


Drabble Collection

by KlainebowsAndDramioneflies



Category: Glee
Genre: Drabbles, M/M, Ratings and Warnings in each chapter, Sibling Incest, just check each story (chapter), overall rating subject to change, ranges from g to m, sebtana friendship, will edit for new pairings and warnings when needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-25 06:29:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 33,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3800323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KlainebowsAndDramioneflies/pseuds/KlainebowsAndDramioneflies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title is pretty much it. Just some Drabbles, ranging in rating. I'll change the rating when a higher rated one is added, but all will be marked at the start with their own individual rating. Unrelated unless stated. Feel free to send a suggestion!</p>
<p>These are all Glee, but there will most likely be other Drabble Collections for other fandoms as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He's a Goof, But He's MY Goof!

**Title:**  He's a Goof, but He's MY Goof

**Rating:**  PG

**Summary:**  Blaine uses the names 'MC Hot Chocolate' and 'Lil' Fetta' in an actual conversation. He's just lucky Kurt loves his goofball husband.

**Warnings/General Tags:**  Married Klaine; SamCedes; Finchel; doesn't really mean season 6 happened, just that the initial convo they reference in the elevator involving MCHC and Fettucine occured at some point in high school, so you can decide what all really happened; rot-your-teeth fluff

* * *

Okay, this was getting ridiculous. Honestly, how was it not completely obvious that Kurt was not straight? It wasn’t like he tried to hide his flamboyant nature- in fact, he was wearing an outfit he’d completely tailored to himself, bright pattern on the inside of the suit, tasteful yet flashy buttons, scarf to match the color of the liner… How was it not obvious?

Alas, it evidently wasn’t obvious at all to the two girls who were practically drooling as they asked him to pick out a song for them to sing together. He’d really only been going to the song selections to see if the DJ had ‘Come What May’ so he could sing it with his husband, who was congratulating Sam and Mercedes for finally tying the knot while their son, Spencer (Hepburn seemed like too obnoxious a name once they’d grown up a little) tugged at his nicely fitted slacks.

A wedding was seriously not the place for a four-year-old, but at least his four-year-old was well behaved. The same could not be said for his husband. Blaine bounced over when Sam pointed out the girls and Mercedes shook her head at Kurt, giggling behind her hand. The duo was somehow related to Sam’s first big modeling ad and had been invited simply because the couple decided to have the biggest wedding in the history of weddings. Obviously they should feel some responsibility for the awkward situation their friend was in now.

Sending Blaine bounding over probably wasn’t their greatest way of having Kurt’s back, though.

"Hello, ladies. I see you met my amazing husband. Seems you discovered his secret talents too," hazel eyes flashed gold with mischief as he grabbed the record from his husband, smirking at the hip-hop title that Kurt had clearly chosen to mess with the girls. "The glorious life of my MC Hot Chocolate." He spoke with a wistful sigh that almost had Kurt smacking a hand over his face.

He rolled his crystal blue eyes while the girls giggled, sparing Blaine a sideways glance. “Are you drunk? Please tell me you’ve been drinking…” He looked down when Spencer tugged on his hand, forcing it to Blaine’s and making the two men hold hands like children. The boy, who looked ridiculously like Blaine, grinned at his dads and started swinging their clasped hands happily.

"Oh, and you have to meet Lil’ Fetta, too! Our precious Fettuccine. Isn’t he just too adorable for words?" Blaine picked up the child, who giggled at the nickname then laughed harder when Kurt really did face-palm. "I told HC here that we should have gone with Alfredo for the first name, but he insisted. Fetta is so much more unique than Al, after all. Right, honey?"

Blaine looked at Kurt with what could only be described as ‘heart eyes’ and the brunette couldn’t help but laugh. He shook his head, reaching out to take their son while the girls shuffled away so as not to openly laugh at the men.

Rolling his eyes but grinning all the same, Kurt looked from his son to his husband and back again. “Your daddy is insane, Spence. Completely and utterly insane. He’s really lucky I love him so much.” The quiet boy snuggled into Kurt’s neck with a smile, used to the way his dads bickered. “You can look through the rest of the albums for our song, then, Blaine Warbler,” he said, using the old Dalton name that he’d claimed would be Blaine’s ridiculous rapper name if he had one. “I’m going to find Finn and get him to watch Spencer while we sing. Prepare him well for when Rachel finally pops next month.”

With that, Kurt set off, carrying his son and smiling at the way his goofy husband could always bring an equally goofy grin to his face. They might be crawling ever closer to thirty, but sometimes Blaine just made him feel so young and carefree. Even with Spencer in his arms and Quinn pestering them about wanting to be surrogate to a sibling, he could still go back to their high school days just like that. He had a feeling they’d be old and grey and still reliving those teenage days when they heard a Katy Perry song or Journey came on the radio, and that suited him just fine.


	2. A Bigger Couch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Semi-prompted by on tumblr when I talked about my headcanon. Here’s what happens when Finchel fight post-college…

**Title:**  A Bigger Couch

**Rating:**  PG

**Ships:**  Klaine, Finchel

**Warning:**  Fluff. Lots of fluffy fluff.

* * *

Kurt strode into his living room after hearing a loud ‘oomph’ that sounded a lot like his idiot brother. But that couldn’t be right, because Finn was supposed to call before he came over, and it was much too early in the morning for him to be there unless he slept over, and he definitely hadn’t been there when Kurt and Blaine had gone to bed last night…

He had a feeling he wouldn’t like what he saw when he finally rounded the couch, but Kurt couldn’t hold back the roll of his eyes or the exasperated sigh that flew from his lips.

"Oh my God, Finn, why the hell are you half-naked on my couch and why the hell is my husband on top of you?!" he demanded, hand resting on an expertly popped hip while his ‘bitch, please’ face took over. He hadn’t even bothered to ask Blaine for an explanation. This was the third time this happened already in the past six months, and he was pretty sure they’d both have an answer.

Like clockwork, that answer came simultaneously from each of the boys. “Rachel.” Blaine’s tone was full of understanding and determined support, while Finn’s was just plain pathetic. He was all whiny and he sounded a bit pained as he tried to breathe while Blaine perched on top of him.

"Okay, why are you still sitting there, Blaine, honey? I mean… I know you tend to just sit without looking but… this is weird even for you." It was true that Blaine had sat on an unsuspecting sleeping Finn a few times in the past, but usually there was awkward hopping up and apologizing, which let Kurt know he was about to walk into a room full of Finchel drama.

This time, though, no movement was made, even as Kurt tapped his foot at them. He was already dressed for the day while Blaine was still in boxers and an undershirt and Finn was at least shirtless. Thank God he had a blanket covering his lower half so Kurt didn’t have to think about that…

Blaine just relaxed back into the couch, shifting atop the giant that called their couch a bed. “This keeps happening, so we figured why not embrace it. After all, you know how Finn needs cuddles when Rachel kicks him out…”

Kurt rolled his eyes again, though his lips pulled up a bit at the corners. He did love his boys, and that’s just what his brother and husband were. Who needed children when they had a Finn to take care of?

"Finn, you can’t just hide away anymore. You can’t break up at the first sign of a problem either. You are married, little brother,” he stressed the word ‘little’ which made Finn turn his nose up at him. “Look, I don’t have enough coffee in my system or enough ice cream in the freezer. Honey, I’m running to the store, and there had best be a fresh pot and more clothing in here when I get back.”

The short walk to the store was filled with head shaking and sighing and little smiles that Kurt would never let his boys see. They were ridiculous, especially Finn, and he knew he would have to call Rachel and give her a little lecture after the Ben and Jerry’s was devoured, but they were his family. All three of them. He’d never trade Finn, Rachel, or Blaine for anything. Even if they did have habits of abusing spare keys and pouting like kicked puppies until they got their favorite ice cream flavor.

Kurt wouldn’t trade any of his life for the world.


	3. Whatcha Gonna Do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I blame this on tumblr. Cop!Burt catches Blaine in an... awkward situation. Humor, and maybe something special, ensues.
> 
> Rated PG. Warnings for teens acting like teens and police involvement?

**Title:**  Whatcha Gonna Do

**Rating:**  PG

**Warnings:** Near-nudity, teenagers being teenagers, a cop being a cop?

* * *

The siren sounded and Blaine grit his teeth, trying hard to not look guilty even as he stood there out in the open road with nothing but his skivvies and Dalton tie on his person. Goddammit, Nick and Jeff were seriously going to pay. All the Warblers, really, since the rest had just gone along with the stupid dare. "You have to" they said. "It’s no big deal, Blaine," they said.

Yeah. No big deal at all until the freaking gate closed and he couldn’t get back in the stupid mansion that Wes called home and he was stuck out on the freaking street without even a cell phone to call and tell his idiot friends to open up and let him back inside.

No big deal until a freaking cop car pulled up with lights spinning and siren blaring. No big deal at all…

He squeaked when the rather burly looking man got out of the cruiser, Lima PD ball cap on his head and a sparkle of amusement in his eyes. “Hey, kiddo. You’re not really dressed for a walk around the neighborhood you know…” The man approached him slowly, and Blaine felt himself turning absolute lobster red. “Officer Hummel’s the name. How ‘bout you explain what the heck you’re doing so I can figure out what I need to do with you?”

Nick and Jeff were going to die. That was the only way this story could ever end. He’d been mad that they were working together for all their dares anyway, since everybody else had been coming up with things on their own, but now they were seriously going to die. He’d kill them. He’d demand they attend fight club so he could properly kill them.

"Uh… it’s a funny story, sir," he started, trying to cover what he could of his underwear-clad privates. "This is my friend’s house and apparently the gate was locked and it slipped back closed before I could get back inside… um… we’re playing a game, see? And well, unlucky me got dared to streak down the block." He left out the part where he refused to go completely naked, so they decided that if he was keeping the boxer-briefs he also had to wear his school tie. It didn’t seem important at the moment.

The officer looked at him, trying to keep a straight face, then finally leaned over and laughed. He laughed at Blaine like he was the most hilarious comedy act the guy had ever seen, then he shook his head, removing his cap and rubbing a hand over the bald surface. “Oh man… I thought only Finn was dumb enough to do something like this. Ha! Oh, I have to tell Kurt about this one… He’ll probably say the same thing!”

It seemed the officer was having a great chat with himself, but Blaine was really only getting more uncomfortable, so he cleared his throat. “Um, sir? It’s kinda chilly out here, and I don’t have a phone to call the idiots I call friends to let me back inside. Um… can I borrow yours or something?”

That got the officer’s attention, and he straightened back up, opening the back door of his car and motioning with his chin. “Sorry, no can do. I have to pick you up and get some information down at the station. You’re technically committing public indecency at the moment, since one of the neighbors called and reported ya. You can call whoever you want once I get you booked, though.” At the look of utter horror on Blaine’s face, the officer chuckled again and reached out to pat him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry so much, kid. It’s just procedure. You won’t even get in trouble really. Just a slap on the hand and a scolding is all. You can even just call your friends and have one of them pick you up.”

Blaine still felt terrified as he climbed into the cop car. He’d never been in trouble before. He was a good kid. Downright dapper! Those guys were going to have a lot to make up for…

As he sat there in the back of the cruiser, he tried to pay attention to anything that wasn’t his current situation. That was when he heard a cell phone ring- _Single Ladies_ playing through the car. Odd ring tone, but whatever suited you, he figured.

"Kurt! He buddy, I was just thinking about you," the officer practically barked. Blaine couldn’t hear the other end of the conversation, but he assumed the guy was talking to his son based on the way he spoke. "Just a kid I picked up for streaking. Weird thing is, he isn’t naked. That’s what I said! Yep, something your brother would definitely do… Oh, he’s probably about your age, actually. I think that’s why I thought of Finn first thing. What? Uh… you know I’m not good at judging that, bud. Oh, hold on.”

The officer turned and looked Blaine up and down, making him raise a triangular brow at the man. “Okay, look, my son asked me if you ‘played for his team’ and if you’re hot. I have no clue how I’m supposed to know the answers to those questions. Any idea?”

Blaine sputtered, blushed, then muttered “Tell him I’m gay and quite dapper.” Which the man relayed with confusion. Blaine could hear the the musical laugh from the phone, then blushed more when he heard the next words. “He seems like a good kid actually. Think I scared him half to death when I told him he has to go to the station. You wanna bring him some clothes and take him back to his friends’ place? I somehow don’t think he wants his parents to know about this little encounter…” The wink the cop sent him had Blaine about ready to pass out.

It wasn’t the most conventional way to meet your soon-to-be boyfriend’s father, but it did lead to meeting the soon-to-be boyfriend, so Blaine wasn’t going to complain. He’d never look at Burt without blushing, but he wasn’t going to complain. Not at all.


	4. The Great Hoe-Down Massacre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is all lilinas's fault. This is our first non-PG drabble, too, so do note the warnings.
> 
> Kurt married Blaine. In a barn. Without half the people he expected at their eventual, non-barn wedding. And it was really Brittany and Santana's ceremony. They just got bullied into joining it. So, really, who could blame him for losing his cool when he slipped on a cow patty? Who could blame him...

**Title:**  The Great Hoe-Down Massacre

**Rating:**  R

**Warnings:** Horror, violence, gore, depravity?, creepiness, dapperness?

* * *

The cow-patty had been the final straw. Kurt grimaced at the pun he’d just thought, pushing the steel further into his latest victim before finally yanking the pitchfork out, biceps bulging. He’d already tossed his white jacket (white? really? he and Blaine were not fucking brides, thank you) over some hay bale when it had been splattered with the first bit of blood. Now, his sleeves were rolled up, dress shirt unbuttoned and tie somewhere on the floor, probably in a crimson puddle.

He’d been married in a barn. Kurt Hummel did not do barns. He didn’t do spur of the moment weddings, either, but he’d caved to the pressure from those who happened to be at Brittany and Santana’s celebration. He had no idea why in the hell Blaine’s mother was there, nor why Cooper wasn’t if this had been some secret plan between their friends and family. Frankly, Kurt didn’t care.

The urge to just give in, get a little tipsy on cheap champagne, and actually dance with his husband had taken over, and he had been trying to do just that, when he lost it. His shoe slipped in something on the barn floor, and when he looked down, he was irate.

Cow. Shit. He had just stepped and slipped in fucking cow shit! At his fucking wedding! This was just… wrong! No, Kurt Hummel did not have a wedding with cow shit for a guest!

Kurt had stalked to the wall of the barn then, his husband watching with curiosity and concern on his face, and grabbed an abandoned pitch fork. He was so damn mad. In more than just one definition of the word.

The first victim was a bale of hay, which Kurt stabbed repeatedly, checking the weight and movement of his chosen weapon. Nobody took much notice, besides Blaine who looked more concerned now, shuffling dutifully to Kurt’s side. “Are you okay?” the dapper boy asked, only to get a grunt in return as Kurt pulled the fork from the now-destroyed hay.

"I’m just wonderful, honey,” he said, eyes glowing maniacally. In a split second, Kurt whipped around and stabbed the pitch fork into a nameless guest’s stomach, smiling creepily as he pulled it out and stabbed again. “Perfectly fine.”

The other guests had only just started noticing that something was wrong. Friends and family started yelling his name at some point, but Kurt didn’t hear them. No, he was much too busy forcing four steel rods through the guts and chests of unknown people who were, for some reason, at his wedding. They had no reason to be there, so he’d just remove them. Then he’d get the stupid cow shit off his stupid shoe. Then he’d run away with Blaine and have a real ceremony where Coop could be there and their friends from New York actually knew about their lives.

Blaine, having apparently come to terms with his husband’s murderous rage, was trailing behind him, checking on his victims. Ever the gentleman, he wiped trails of blood from open mouths with his handkerchief, closing the eyes of each person so they looked like they’d just fallen asleep in pools of red paint. Or ketchup. Or something.

His final victim was made such due to the fact that the pitch fork wouldn’t come out of the sternum he’d just rammed it through. Kurt leaned back only for Blaine to support him, wiping Kurt’s forehead with a bloody hankie and cooing in his ear. “Feel better now, sweetheart?”

The shorter man supported Kurt for a minute before leading them both out of the barn and to the decorated ‘just married’ grooms’ car. Sirens wailed in the distance, but they both ignored them. It was no time before they’d driven off toward the horizon, heading for New York and the future they actually wanted. Perhaps they’d end up caught for what had happened, but perhaps they’d just go on with their lives. People killed people every day, after all.

They cuddled as best they could while Kurt drove, eyes and voice full of devotion. “I love you,” Blaine said softly, kissing the blood-splattered knuckles of Kurt’s right hand.

"I love you too."


	5. A GAP in My Sanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on this prompt: “I work at a department store and if you take out and unfold a shirt and then leave it one more time I’m going to stuff it down your throat” AU Kurt works at the GAP during the summer after graduation, trying to make some money for the coming move to NY. Blaine happens to be a frequent patron of the store- and has a penchant for undoing all of Kurt’s hard work.

**Title** : A GAP in My Sanity

**Rating** : PG-13 (swearing and threatened violence)

* * *

Weekends were the worst for Kurt. It never failed that Saturday would bring crowds to the mall, which in turn meant crowds at his store, which was a silly thought really because the GAP he worked at was as much  _his_  store as Lima was  _his_  town. Sure, he worked there. He practically lived there with the hours he’d been working. But, the store was not his. He was just a sales associate, and he didn’t even wear their ridiculous clothes.

The GAP was a stepping stone, and nothing more. He would form no sort of real attachment to the place. He would not walk around with arrogance at just how nice his section of the store looked and how well he kept everything in order. No, and he most certainly wouldn’t have an aneurysm over that  _ridiculous, irritating, adorable boy with the million different bow ties who came in so damn often and unfolded his crisply presented sweaters!_ That would just be crazy of him. Kurt was not crazy.

Not crazy but he was definitely twitching as he watched the gel-helmet having boy pick up a grey sweater, hold it up, then try to fold it but do so wrong of course and move on to unfold the next sweater and look it over in the same way. There was no damn different besides the color. Honestly, there was no reason for the boy to unfold every single color just to go back to the original grey he’d picked up and actually wander away with that one.

And if there was no reason for him to look at each individual color, there was definitely no reason for him to return twenty minutes later and do so again, right after Kurt had straightened the display to perfection.

_'I swear to all that is holy, if you do not make a damned decision and get out of my store I will end you, Bow Tie,'_  Kurt thought as he chewed his bottom lip to stop himself from attacking the customer. It wouldn’t be good to lose his job and get charged with assault. It also would be much worse to get charged with murder when he ripped this guy’s head from his body. Thus, Kurt forced himself to the wall where he put some hanging shirts in size order, then started straightening a display of jeans.

The guy actually knocked over a whole pile of the sweaters- this time the red option. He blushed and tried to nonchalantly put them back, but Kurt was already moving toward him with a glare on his face. Blue eyes rolled back in his head as he fought for some semblance of self-control. Bow Tie had been in the store every damned Saturday of the summer so far. Every time he managed to unfold every shirt Kurt had just folded, and at least half the times he knocked something over or did something else ridiculously clumsy.

Kurt couldn’t deny that the guy was cute, but really? He was ridiculous. Who could even put up with that anyway? Kurt sure couldn’t. That was clear from the way he hissed in air through his teeth as he looked down on the boy.

"Okay, Bow Tie," he muttered, at the end of his rope and so far out of patience that he would have sworn he never had any to begin with. "You unfold another cardigan and I swear I will  _end_  you. Do you know how much work goes into making these displays perfect? You keep destroying it. All of it. Every. Damn. Saturday. So please, _please_ , I am begging you, Bow Tie, just  _stop_.”

The boy looked at Kurt, then blinked a few times, then opened his mouth. “It’s Blaine. Not Bow Tie. Blaine. That’s my name.” And Kurt stared at him.

What in the hell was going on? This was insane. This was Kurt’s life. He just threatened a customer, something the guy could have reported to Kurt’s manager and probably got him fired, and instead the guy was introducing himself? Of course he was. Because this was Kurt’s life and it was crazy.

"Sorry about your, uh, display? I just… well, what I mean is…" Kurt’s brow twitched as the boy,  _Blaine_ , tried and failed to form a complete sentence. “Well, you see, I’ve been coming here every weekend because, well, I, uh…” Now Kurt was tapping his foot impatiently. Any day now. He had to get to straightening that whole pile of red sweaters. “Would you want to get a coffee with me after your shift ends?”

The guy looked up at Kurt with the biggest, wettest puppy-dog eyes and he barely resisted the urge to roll his own. The guy wasn’t kidding. He’d been practically stalking Kurt at work! The brunette should have been revolted by this, or at least heavily concerned about the shorter boy’s mental stability, but instead he was just flattered.

Kurt popped a hip and crossed his arms over his chest, giving the boy a head-to-toe once over. “Alright, Bow Tie Blaine,” he said with a smirk, “I get off at two. I’ll meet you at the Lima Bean. My coffee order is a medium non-fat mocha, and if you know what’s good for you you’ll already have it ready at a table when I get there, got it?”

At that, he shot the boy a wink and grabbed the ruined stack of sweaters to fold on his table. “And the name is Kurt, just so you’re aware. Don’t be late, Bow Tie.”


	6. Stormin' the Castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the 'Ridiculous Sentence Prompt' “I understand the whole sleep talking thing but what I don’t understand is the princess dragon dream and why I’m in it.” I hope you enjoy this crack.

**Title:** Stormin' the Castle

**Rating:** T

**Pairing:** Kurtbastian (mentions of past Klaine)

**Words:** 583

**Summary:** From the 'Ridiculous Sentence Prompt' _“I understand the whole sleep talking thing but what I don’t understand is the princess dragon dream and why I’m in it.”_ I hope you enjoy this crack.

* * *

 

 

Kurt rolled over and grunted. He rolled over again and pulled his pillow over his head, wrapping it around his ears as best he could but he _still_ couldn't shut his boyfriend's noises out. He cursed, then flopped restlessly onto his side and glanced through his narrowly slitted eyes at the 'sleeping' boy beside him.

 

Oh, yes. Sebastian was definitely asleep. He just also happened to be _talking_ in his sleep. And not even just talking. He seemed to be in some epic battle given the grunts, groans, and kicking. Speaking of which…

 

"Ouch! Fuck!" Kurt hissed, curling up into a fetal position and holding his balls. That was Sebastian's knee. And it hurt. Badly. He glared at his boyfriend and promised himself that as soon as he could move again he'd wake the boy up in the most painful way possible.

 

In the meantime, the NYU senior kept talking in his sleep. "Ha! Take that you… you stupid hobbit dragon you…" he muttered with a sharp thrust of his arm as if he was stabbing something with a sword. "Teach you to take mmm… my Princess…" He almost sounded drugged, which made Kurt snicker. He should record this and put it on the internet. He'd be famous in no time. Or at least Bas would.

 

"Dammit, Bas, will you _please_ shut up?" Kurt whined in a high pitched tone that apparently worked like an alarm clock for his boyfriend. Hmm. Good to know. He still had sore balls though, and he was exhausted, so he wasn't likely to store that useful knowledge too well.

 

Green eyes blinked awake and peered happily at Kurt. "Oh, hey beautiful. Was just dreamin' about you…" he said with a yawn, obviously still half asleep and not noticing his boyfriend's pained expression.

 

Kurt righted himself and sat up on the bed, barely wincing at the lingering throbbing between his legs and giving his boyfriend a strange look. "Okay…I understand the whole sleep talking thing, but what I don't understand is the whole princess dragon dream and why I'm in it. Also, I think you called the dragon a hobbit and… what the hell, Bas?"

 

Sebastian looked at him with a raised brow and a smirk that should have been trademarked by now. "Really _Princess_? You can't figure out your role in this dream?" Kurt's growl made him laugh, but he kept explaining anyway. "The dragon is very hobbit-like and seems to think he has a claim on what's mine even though the princess hasn't wanted the dragon for many years now. He's a very persistent thing…"

 

It clicked and Kurt laughed, imagining Blaine the dragon keeping him locked in some tower so he'd not be Sebastian's anymore. "Honey, your brain is warped," he stated simply, leaning in to kiss his boyfriend of over three years now. "Maybe you should reassure it that you have nobody to fight for my affections?"

 

The smirk on Sebastian's face grew as Kurt crawled over his body, straddling his hips and rocking their barely-clothed bodies together. "Mmm, I like the way your warped brain works…" he growled, thrusting up against Kurt.

 

"Hey, my brain isn't the one making fairytales come to life in my dreams. Nor does it cause me to knee my boyfriend's nuts. You owe me, Meerkat." And Sebastian definitely took care of those injured balls… he _worshipped_ his Princess like any good knight would. Needless to say, Kurt finally slept soundly by the time sleep was once again had.

 


	7. Just a Binge (Right?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: Kurt, Blaine, Sebastian/ Bottle of Wine/ Handcuffs, and a bow tie/ Spring Break at Blaine’s House, alone, for three days

**Title:**  Just a Binge (Right?)

 **Rating:** M

 **Pairing:** Sebklaine

 **Summary:** I'm actually going to make this a sort of oneshot from my  _Broken Wings_ trilogy. This would take place mid- _Wings Healed_ and could be considered spoilery for the Sebastian aspect of Kurt and Blaine's relationship, I suppose... Basically, it just gives away the fact that they are friends and sometimes more. But it's kind of obvious from the start in my opinion, so... yeah. Go ahead and read it anyway?

Basically, it's just what the prompt says, but let me give some background as for the setting of the 'verse and what liberties I'm taking with the prompt. The boys all live together in an apartment in NY. It's Spring Break in their senior year at college- Kurt and Blaine are engaged by now, a solid couple, and Bas has been trying but failing to find his own 'forever'. Blaine is studying music at NYU while Bas is studying English (also at NYU). Kurt is studying fashion design at Parsons while working at _Vogue_ and designing his own fashion line (which is a long time work in progress, but he's started on already). For Spring Break, the boys decide to take off just the three of them to a beach house Blaine's parents have and aren't using on a private beach in Cozumel. Kurt only got three days away from work, so they plan to really live it up.

This little fic starts when they arrive at the house and progresses through three days, two nights, in paradise. There's lots of high quality wine in the house, an empty bottle that gets used for an old-school style game of Truth or Dare just for nostalgia's sake, Bas brought handcuffs and Blaine has his favorite old bow tie hung about his neck while Kurt might have stuck an old friend in his suitcase just to tease his favorite Meerkat... things are gonna get crazy, but what else would we expect from these three?

* * *

 

"Have I mentioned how glad I am that your parents decided to forgive you for studying music? Because oh my _God_ , Blaine, this is amazing!" Kurt mumbled as he shuffled through the door into the beach house, which was absolutely huge and gorgeous and just... wow. Yeah,  Kurt was pretty grateful that the Andersons had decided their youngest son wasn't wasting his time with his degree once he'd performed at enough high-brow events that influential people knew his name. It probably helped that he was engaged to an actual editor for _Vogue_ instead of some nobody fashion student now, but Kurt wasn't going to hold grudges. At least, not if his blind acceptance was being bought with things like vacations in fantastic beach houses.

Sebastian lumbered in with the extra bags, grunting and shoving Kurt out of his way so he could drop the luggage and look around. "Nice digs, Killer. If only my dad would get with the program. Then we'd have a condo for every occasion. Shame Princess can't contribute, though." Kurt glared and elbowed him in the gut, making Bas grunt again, but also laugh. "Fine, fine, your dad has great cars that hold up impressively well, even when I try my damnedest to break them. I'll give you that." The comment earned him a satisfied nod and smirk from Kurt, and Blaine just shook his head at both of them. He really did love his fiance and their leech of a best friend.

"You do know you aren't coming on the honeymoon, right Bas?" Blaine asked, closing the door behind them and peering around. It seemed almost foolish to go to the trouble of leaving the states just to get to a house they wouldn't even leave. It didn't matter, though. They were here and they were going to enjoy it for the short time they had away from real life and the worries there of. Sebastian shrugged, which made Blaine shake his head and give Kurt a significant look. "He is _not_ coming on the honeymoon."

The three of them settled in rather easily, Bas taking the smaller room while Kurt and Blaine took the master. The tallest of the three put on some swim trunks and grabbed his surfboard (which had been a pain in the ass to take through the airport, thank you) and left the lovebirds to go hit the waves. It was an easy afternoon, and Blaine even managed to drag Kurt out to the beach to watch their friend fall in his attempts at surfing despite the lack of good waves for a bit. It was the evening that would prove rather... dangerous...

* * *

 

Dinner and a beautiful sunset had inspired Blaine to uncork a bottle of Merlot that sat tantalizingly in the wine rack of the beach house. He knew his parents wouldn't care if they drank some of the wine. Hell, they probably wouldn't even notice. It wasn't like they came to half the vacation homes they owned all that often. He'd poured glasses for Bas and Kurt and himself and the three of them sat on the porch and watched the sun fall over the peacefully crashing waves. Their tacos were just a tiny bit spicy, Kurt's homemade guacamole tasting fresh and smooth on the tongue while Sebastian's fish was fried to perfection. They all worked so well together, but it was really expected after nearly four years.

"This is paradise..." Blaine murmured, leaning back in his chair and sighing. It was so nice being in a care-free place with the people he cared about most. Sometimes he thought about the promise he and Kurt had made each other and he looked at Bas and... no. He couldn't. He couldn't even think about that right now. Not while they were enjoying this last spring break, this last bit of childhood before they were out of college and out of excuses to put off being the adults they already were. That would hurt too much.

As if they could sense the direction his thoughts had gone, Sebastian and Kurt both got up and cleared the table, grabbing the plates and the wine and wandering back into the house with Blaine scrambling to follow. "C'mon, Killer," Bas said, raising the wine bottle and shaking it so the dregs sloshed about. "We've got some partying to do!"

Bow tie still about his neck but long ago untied for comfort's sake, Blaine sat on the floor, back against the couch. Kurt joined him, carrying a fresh bottle of wine and a corkscrew and sitting cross-legged. Soon enough, Bas completed their little circle, re-corked bottle tossed easily in the middle and a mischievous gleam in those emerald eyes. "Time for a walk down memory lane, Blainers," he said, then sent the bottle spinning while Kurt grinned and snorted slightly, pouring them all fresh glasses as the bottle slowed. "And you even get to start us off! Truth or dare, Blaine?"

"Gotta start the party off right, don't I? Dare!"

Sebastian grinned and looked Blaine over before taking a hefty gulp of his own wine. "Alright. Let's get right to it then, shall we? I dare you to wear nothing but that lovely bow tie for the rest of the game. You can tie it wherever your little heart desires." He smirked even as Kurt threw a throw pillow at the brunette's head.

"You just want to see my fiance's junk!" he accused, but he was laughing. They'd all lived together for going on four years now. They'd seen pretty much all there was to see. Nothing they did tonight would be new, most likely. Kurt grinned and watched the show with Bas as Blaine stripped, quirking a brow at them both before tugging his bow tie from his neck and wrapping it around his mostly-flaccid dick, tying it in a proper bow at the head to the tune of Kurt's musical giggles.

Blaine reached forward and spun the bottle, uncaring about his state of undress. It was hardly something to bother him after so long and getting so comfortable with his companions. His eyes lit up when the bottle landed on Bas, though he was a bit sad that Kurt didn't get to play just yet. "Pick your poison, hmm?" He wiggled his triangular brows, earning himself another round of giggles.

Of course, Bas picked a dare, which mad Blaine wiggle his brows yet again. "Hmm... I think I'll dare you to give Kurt a lap dance." They were all starting to feel the wine and they were just... happy. It felt good. Life was good. They were having fun and so Sebastian got up and shimmied his way over to a blushing Kurt, gyrating his hips and rubbing down against the countertenor until he'd sufficiently rubbed the two of them together, going back to his own spot and spinning the bottle while Kurt tried to re-position himself in his pants. Bas didn't even bother trying to hide his obvious arousal.

Finally, the bottle landed on Kurt, who grinned in a superior way as he asked for a truth. "Alright, Princess. I felt how much that dance turned you on. If you could do anything at all to or with me, _anything_ , what would it be?" He licked his lips and both of the other boys noted the husky tone to his voice. Bas was clearly affected by the dancing and the alcohol. Kurt swallowed some more of his own wine and busied himself with refilling all three glasses while he steadied his voice to answer.

"You remember that crop back in high school?" he asked thickly, swallowing nothing but still feeling a tightness in his throat and chest, cheeks going pink. Sebastian shifted noticeably, but it was Blaine who let out a whimper. "I'd show you some new tricks with it. I've grown a lot more confident since that dare from Noah Puckerman..." He licked his lips then and took another drink while Bas and Blaine shared a look, then Kurt took his spin. "Truth or dare, Meerkat?"

Soon, Sebastian used his mouth to remove the bow tie from Blaine, then Blaine confessed that he had always wondered what happened between Kurt and Bas during that month last year when Blaine had moved out... Kurt was dared to remind Sebastian why tongue rings were fantastic for making out (even though that happened more often than it should when they were drunk anyway) and Blaine evened the playing field by daring both his companions to join in his nudity.

FInally, another two bottles of wine were empty, all three of them were blissfully naked, and the game had been utterly abandoned. Well, mostly abandoned. There were still some remnants. Like the words and the implications. "Mmm, I dare you to demonstrate those cuffs I saw you slip in your back pocket earlier, Meerkat," Kurt practically purred as they snuggled close on the floor, a heap of men flopped together with drunken happiness on their faces and weightless bliss in their bones. Sebastian looked at Kurt for a moment, then snorted as he pawed at his discarded shorts, tugging a pair of metal handcuffs from the back pocket with a crooked grin.

"Has anyone told you you're too observant for your own good?" he slurred slightly, opening one of them and sliding his wrist in before tightening it over the flesh with audible ' _click_ 's. Kurt just smirked at him and Bas rolled his eyes. "You hold your liquor too well, Princess," he said, trying to figure out if he should shove his arms behind himself or just slip the other wrist in the restraint in his lap. Figuring he was too intoxicated to manage cuffing himself without looking, he simply did up the handcuffs in his lap, giving the others significant looks as the locking mechanism clicked into place. "Now whatever will you do with me?"

Blaine's eyes gleamed like liquid honey as he studied his fiance and their best friend. Inhibitions were gone and his imagination was full of devious ideas. He growled before tugging Bas forward so that the taller male had to catch himself with his bound hands, leaning forward uncomfortably until he got to his knees. He glared and almost asked what the hell Blaine was doing, but the usually-dapper man stopped him from asking questions by growling again and moving his hips in such a way that his semi-hard dick almost poked Sebastian in the face. He groaned as he heard Blaine's words. "You brought something with you, too, didn't you babe? Why not prove that talent you mentioned to Bas? Hmm?" And Sebastian's mind reeled.

He couldn't be talking about what he had to be talking about, could he? He couldn't... Kurt wouldn't have... there was no way... But then, not two full minutes later, Sebastian gasped and positively _moaned_ as he felt the sharp smack of a crop hitting his exposed ass. "Holy _shit_ , Kurt, you brought a fucking _crop_?!" he demanded in awe, grunting and moaning again as another hit rained down. Hit after hit, Kurt just affirming the statement before continuing the punishment of Sebastian's backside. Looking up, Bas was met with hunger in those honey eyes and he felt a shiver run through his body. They were really doing this. And they were all too far gone to stop themselves from just giving in and taking what they wanted.

It seemed like no time before Blaine was balls-deep in Sebastian's mouth, cock pushing at his throat and throbbing every time Kurt used the crop well and made the brunette moan around Blaine. Kurt was positively dripping with arousal, but he wasn't quite done marking his Meerkat. Soon enough, though, he had a bottle of lube and a condom and Sebastian was stretched and _ohdearGOD_ Kurt was inside him and it felt so good and Sebastian was falling apart, Blaine shooting down his throat, pulling out and releasing even more over his face. All three of them fell in a heap, panting and sweaty, Sebastian finally whining until Kurt reached over and removed the cuffs. A throw blanket was pulled from the couch and they curled up together, naked and sated, messy but uncaring. They could deal with everything in the morning. Right then it was time to sleep.

* * *

 

Blaine felt, and that was a problem. Why couldn't his body just be numb? Then he wouldn't be in so much _pain_. Oh, God, why had they drank so much wine? He was so hungover, his head was killing him, and he just wanted to hide under the blankets all day, but he was so uncomfortable. The bed was so fucking _hard_! When did the bed lose all its soft squishiness? He groaned loudly, then winced because that fucking _hurt_ , then winced again because his groan was echoed. Twice. Oh, fuck.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Kurt's voice muttered hoarsely.

Sebastian quickly snapped back, "if you throw up on me I will end you, Princess."

Blaine groaned again, then cursed out loud at himself for hurting his head. _Again_. Dammit. "Okay, tonight we are sleeping in a bed. I don't give a flying fuck _what_ bed, but a bed will be involved. Fuck this floor is hard..." he said, running a hand through his curls and not even bothering to worry about the fact that he'd just basically said they'd all be sleeping together again that night. It didn't seem like the most pressing issues at the moment.

"Okay, seriously, bathroom," Kurt mumbled, getting sloppily to his feet and stumbling off to the toilet. A splashing noise followed by a groan was heard soon after, and Bas looked at Blaine.

They shared that look for a few minutes before Sebastian poked Blaine in the chest. "He's your fiance. Therefore you have hair holding duty. I'll get a wet cloth and some water..." They both got up from the floor, popping their sore joints before separating, Blaine going to rub Kurt's back and make sure he didn't get any sick on himself while Bas got a cool rag and some water. He grabbed some Advil as well before joining the others in the bathroom.

"I'm going to hate myself for saying this, but you are a God-like human, Bas," Kurt gruffed once he was sure he was done vomiting, flushing the toilet and taking the pills and water from Sebastian. The rag was moved from his forehead to the back of his neck and Bas grinned, looking like he was about to say something. "Please don't open your mouth and ruin it." Blaine chuckled softly, especially when Sebastian pouted, but he also thanked the boy when he took the meds and the second glass of water Bas brought for the two of them to share.

Noticing Kurt pouting at their shared glass of water, Sebastian shook his head and cocked a brow. "Sorry, Princess, but I'm not sharing water with you until you aren't all pukey. Vomit-breath is not sexy." Blaine shot water out of his nose as he'd been drinking when Bas spoke, and Kurt rolled his eyes, but Bas just shrugged. "It's the truth."

Kurt seemed to take that as a good segue into reality since he started the shower and gave the others a piercing look. "Teeth brushed. Now. We're all disgusting and I demand showers and cuddles and all that girly shit Bas makes fun of me for." His hands were on his hips and it was like his words suddenly drew the others' attention to the fact that they were all still naked and... well, there was still dried come on various parts of their bodies, mainly Sebastian.

Blaine blushed, but Bas just shrugged and grabbed his toothbrush, shoving it into his mouth and brushing away. "'Oo know," he started, talking around the toothbrush and making Blaine giggle, "I'b pwetty shore 'oo're a'ot diwtier 'an anyone e'er 'spected," he spat and smirked at Kurt. "'Course I knew all along. What with the crop thing and all." He winked before brushing his tongue and rinsing his mouth, hopping into the shower and screeching a bit before adjusting the temperature. " _Jesus_ , Hummel, that was _freezing_! I think my balls just un-dropped! Fucking _Christ_!"

Laughing, Kurt and Blaine finished with their teeth and joined him. After a dirty three-way kiss, Blaine leaned in and nipped at Sebastian's ear. "For the record," he whispered huskily as he felt Kurt slide up behind him, fondling his and Sebastian's cocks together, "I totally knew he was kinky long before you did."

* * *

 

They agreed to take it easy as far as partying went that night. Of course, that didn't mean they weren't going to have fun. It was strange, but also not strange at all that the three of them had slipped into this sort of polyamorous relationship for the vacation. Half the time it seemed like Sebastian was part of their relationship anyway at home. The only odd thing about all of this was that it was bringing up a lot of... questions. Kurt wasn't sure what he was feeling and Blaine was in much the same boat, while Bas... well. Sebastian had been feeling this way for a long while now, to be quite honest.

There was always a part of the man that knew he had fallen hard for the two men he lived with. There was a part of him that knew he wanted to be with Kurt and Blaine on a more intimate level than just best friends. He wanted what they had, but not just that. He wanted what they had _with them_. The idea that they were engaged and happy and in love and that they would be leaving him... God, it hurt. But if this was all that Sebastian would get, just these two nights, he'd take it. It would hurt like hell, especially looking back and knowing what could have been, but he'd rather have a little than nothing. He'd take it and he'd remember it and he'd cherish it.

The day was spent lazing around in the house and on the beach, under umbrellas and in the waves. Their hangovers were nursed away and good food was eaten, good stories remembered. It was nice, it was fun, and it was so light-hearted. So much less than the normal weight of the day. It was perfect.

By the time night came, they all slipped into the master bed at a ridiculously early hour and just lay together, snuggling. Blaine wound up in the middle despite Kurt being the one who always begged for cuddles, but they all held, touched, enjoyed. There were things unspoken that were still so clear, and that night, there was sex.

It wasn't drunken and it wasn't hurried. There weren't any cuffs or crops or kinks. There wasn't a timer or a dare or any of that. It was just the three of them, their bodies coming to know one another, hips slowly gliding together, fingers stretching, lips meeting, flesh sliding together and moans and gasps of pleasure filling the air. The scent and heat of sex filled the room and as Kurt stretched out luxuriously on the bed, Bas got up to dispose of a condom and open the balcony door, letting the fresh beach air in. Blaine got some cool damp rags and cleaned them all up and there was such a sense of balance and contentment.. it was a shame to have to leave it all behind.

"I don't want to leave this," Bas said so softly that it was barely heard over the distant crash of waves.

Of course, the others did hear, and Kurt was the one to break the silence. "We can't stay here forever, Meerkat. We have real life to get back to. School to finish. The world to take by storm..." he trailed, knowing that wasn't what his friend referred to but not knowing how to really answer him.

Blaine stayed silent, still unsure what he was feeling and what might come. Decisions weren't to be made right away. Nothing so complex could be made so simple, after all. It wouldn't be right or fair. To any of them. "I know," Bas answered, coming back to the bed. "It's just been a hell of a nice binge, you know?"

The curled up and listened to the waves, inhaling the sweet scent of the sand and the sea. The next day would be cleaning up and packing and flying back to real life. Eventually, decisions would need to be made. But for now, they could binge on pleasure. On fun. On freedom. They could binge on those things that you only got until a certain point in life when everything became too serious and grown up.

If it was only ever a binge, Sebastian was going to remember it as one hell of a binge. One hell of an indulgence in a forbidden love that he'd never forget.


	8. An Amusement Park Pretending to be a Store, Blaine!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: "I lost my little sibling in IKEA and I need your help finding them"

**Title:** An Amusement Park Pretending to be a Store, Blaine!

 **Rating:** T

 **Pairing:** Klaine, with some comedic Cooper for the lolz

 **Summary:** From the prompt " _I lost my ~~little~~ sibling in IKEA and I need your help finding them_ " I decided to disregard the 'little' because, really, Cooper Anderson is the perpetual little brother, right?

________________________________________________________________________________

 

Kurt stood with a silly grin starting to curl up at the corners of his mouth. He just couldn't help it. He had to grin. The curly-haired guy with the ridiculously adorable polka dot bow tie had been darting around for at least ten minutes already and been past that same exact children's bedroom set a good five times. He looked absolutely frantic, but also ridiculously angry, triangular brows furrowed together like a black caterpillar. It was just plain silly, though, because the guy looked like he'd be hard pressed to hurt a fly. Kurt could barely hold back the giggle as the boy further furrowed those bushy brows and cursed under his breath.

 

"You know, I don't think the IKEA patrons and employees enjoy such a vocabulary being shared in their... overstocked establishment, good sir," Kurt said with a snarky little smirk, arms crossed and one hip popped as he observed the boy. He'd come to the store with Finn in an attempt to get some semi-decent items for the gigantic male's apartment in Columbus. He'd apparently gotten into some community college associated with OSU ("You are not _actually_ attending OSU, Finn. Stop telling people you are!") and convinced Puck to move in with him using his pool cleaning money and apply the next semester.

 

New York was working well for Kurt, but he did enjoy the time home, especially when it involved bonding with his brother. Step-brother. Whatever. Of course Noah had to come with them, though, and of course he and Finn had gotten distracted by the plethora of food available in what was basically a fast-food restaurant inside the store. Kurt had quickly excused himself to browse as he had watched them shovel nachos into their mouths enough during high school to last him a life time.

 

Thus, having nothing better to do, Kurt found himself observing the bow-tied boy who now looked at him with flushed cheeks and an embarrassed glint in his eyes. "Oh, shit. You heard that, huh?"

 

"And that, too. You really aren't good at filtering yourself, are you? For one so dapper looking, you sure have a mouth..." he grinned then, sauntering over to the boy and daring to reach out and straighten the bow tie. "What's got you so worked up, sweetie?" he asked, pulling his hands away but still standing rather close to the boy.

 

The responding shiver was enough to make Kurt chuckle a bit again, shaking his head and settling a hand on the shorter boy's shoulder. "Calm down, sweetie. I won't bite. Unless you want me to, that is," he added with a wink, openly laughing when the boy squeaked in reply.

 

"Oh, shut up..." the dapper sailor muttered, running his hands over his thighs to rid them of sweat and straighten the fabric simultaneously. "If you really want to know, I'm looking for my idiot brother. The fucking bastard... I swear he had to have been adopted."

 

Kurt's mind immediately pictured a young kid with a head of unruly curls hiding under beds or playing in the toys set up in the displays around them. "Little brothers are incredibly annoying. My step-brother likes to pretend he's older since he's about a foot taller than me, but I'm older by a few months and at least five good years of maturity. He's off stuffing his face right now with his best friend. Bane of my existence, I swear." He was about to go on a tirade about Noah Puckerman and the exhaustion that was dealing with him and his mohawk on a semi-daily basis when a man at least five years older than him, probably a few more than that, ran up and mussed the dapper one's hair.

 

"Blainers! It's like a fucking amusement park! I told you, it's _not_ a store, it's just _pretending_. It's totally like Six Flags or grownups!" he yelled, getting glares from people rather far away who happened to hear his swearing.  And oh, wow. That was the brother, wasn't it? Totally not a little kid. And not younger. Not at all. Kurt quirked a brow and tilted his head, giving the bow-tied boy a look that demanded an explanation.

 

Mouthing ' _Blainers_?' at him, Kurt let his focus linger on the curly haired boy before looking at the hyper active brother. "You must be the brother causing our... _Blainers_ such panic and need to swear. Nice to meet you. I'm Kurt." He reached out a hand and offered the brother a wide smile, hand being grabbed in both of his.

 

 _Blainers_ muttered something that sounded distinctly like 'It's _Blaine_ , dammit,' while the older male leaned in and shook Kurt's hand obnoxiously. "Cooper. Pleased to meet _you_ , Kurt. You should be happy I wandered off, Blainers. I let you find yourself a new boyfriend!"

 

At the look the curly-haired boy shot him, Cooper took off, yelling about nachos and a huge icee in his immediate future, leaving the two of them alone once more. "Well, now you don't have to worry about where your brother is..." Kurt trailed, stepping closer to the boy again and rocking on his toes.

 

"No, I just need to keep wondering when his stupid ass is going to get kicked out and banned from the fuckin' store. I swear... He's supposed to be the older and wiser brother. You'd never know there's almost ten years between us if you didn't see the wrinkles on his face," the boy said bitterly. Kurt was pretty sure there weren't any wrinkles showing unless you really looked closely at Cooper, but he wasn't going to point that out. "I mean, the jerk even uses that stupid name from when we were kids. My name is _Blaine_. Blaine. No 'rs' at the end. Stupid fuckin' jerk..."

 

Kurt took the opportunity to reach out and rest both arms on the boy's shoulders, looking him in the eyes as he looked up and squeaked with a blush. "You're very jumpy, Blaine-no-ers. So, Blaine-no-ers, would you happen to want to take your brother's advice and try going out some time? I mean, this IKEA date has been lovely, but I'm pretty sure I can hear Finn and Cooper sharing stories about their 'extremely gay little brothers' and I really need to step in and correct him about just who the little brother is..." He grinned when Blaine blushed deeper before nodding to the date idea. "Alright. Give me your phone and I'll text myself so we have each other's numbers."

 

Kurt added himself to Blaine's phone with a little heart next to his name, then sent himself the text ' _Here's my favorite bow-tied sailor's number. <3_' before tucking the phone back into Blaine's back pocket, sliding his hand over the boy's bubble-butt and leaning in to daringly kiss him on the lips. "Gotta run now," he said with a smirk, slinking off to yell at Finn and get him and Puck to start shopping already. He had a date outfit to go home and plan after all...


	9. PENIS!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “you and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and i’m really just trying to study over here so i’m gonna put an end to this by winning the game”

**Title** : PENIS!

 **Pairing** : Sebklaine (with Klaine established)

 **Summary** : Prompt:  _“you and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and i’m really just trying to study over here so i’m gonna put an end to this by winning the game”_ I decided to write this little drabble. Cause that sounded like fun. Dalton AU. Klaine already know each other. Bas just got back from France and doesn’t know either of them yet outside of class. :D

* * *

 

There was muffled giggling, then another muffled word that Bastian was pretty sure sounded distinctly like a bit of male anatomy, but surely no senior in high school would be giggling over saying the word ‘penis’ right? Especially in an all boys prep school... That would just be ridiculous.

Shaking his head, he turned back to his work and started scribbling away at the calculus that he was so not prepared for. Back in Paris, Bastian had hardly paid attention enough to most of his classes. He’d been more focused on the boys and the cultural experiences and... okay, he’d been focused on the boys. Maybe that was why his mother had shipped him back to live with his father again. Divorces were stupid and custody was stupid and Bastian missed French boys.

“Fucking America...” he muttered under his breath, lingering French accent making him roll his eyes all the more. The guys here already asked him if he was a foreigner so many times he was about to hit someone. Did he fucking  _look_  foreign? “ _Surrounded by uncultured swine. Why did Maman send me back here? I wasn’t that bad of a son... you’d think fucking was a crime or something._ ” He’d slipped into French and the nearest boy shot him a confused look.

Bastian sighed and tried again to focus on the math before him. Then the giggling broke out again. This time there was a distinctly louder whisper. “Penis!” There was no mistaking it. Oh, no. No. They couldn’t be...

“Penis!” just a tiny bit louder this time. Bastian quirked his brow and slapped a palm over his face.

The calculus homework lay forgotten before him as he shook his head to himself. “ _You have_ got  _to be kidding me_ ,” he muttered, again in French. There were seriously two boys playing the fucking penis game. In the library. And he was pretty sure the brunette one who looked a bit like an elf was in his French class. (How they’d allowed him to actually take a French class when he was fluent, Bastian didn’t know, nor did he care. He could use an easy A.)

“Oh my gosh, Kurt! We’re going to get in trouble!” The other boy said in a tone that was louder than the whisper-yells they’d been using for their little game. Bastian rolled his eyes. He might actually strain his eyes from rolling them so much at this rate.

Both boys giggled some more as the curly haired one said ‘penis’ at the same volume again. “Blaine, you didn’t even say it louder!” the one called Kurt scolded, then proceeded to say it just as softly.

 _Oh, fuck it_ , Bastian thought to himself, looking over at the couple before sighing loudly, clearing his throat and calling out in his most attention grabbing full-volume voice “PENIS!” which earned him a promise of detention from the librarian and gaping looks from every occupant of the library.

The couple stared at him and he rolled his eyes  _again_  before gathering his calculus book, notebook, calculator, and bag. He got up and joined the two at their little table, offering a hand and a crooked smirk. “Sebastian Smythe. Also called Bastian, Bas, Seb, New Guy, French Guy- spoiler I’m not even actually French- or any variation of Man-Whore by various men who I either refused to fuck or blew off after fucking or fucked the boyfriends of. You two seemed to be missing the point of your game, so I figured I’d help.”

Kurt and Blaine gaped a bit before finally shaking his hand and introducing themselves. Blaine complimented him on his guts for screaming ‘penis,’ which the curly-haired kid whispered, then they settled in to do their homework. It was a strange start to a friendship, but a few months later when Kurt was the one to get a lecture from Wes about starting inappropriate games at Warblers practice, Bastian was leaning on Blaine and laughing right along with the shorter boy at their boyfriend’s embarrassed expression. Bastian had been the one to dare him to start a new ‘vagina’ game, after all...


	10. Untitled Cheerio/Badboy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Combing ridiculous sentence prompts “Please put me down it’s just a sprained ankle” and “So what if I broke my arm I’m still doing it.” Klaine. Rated T.

**Prompt** : Combing ridiculous sentence prompts “ _Please put me down it’s just a sprained ankle_ ” and “ _So what if I broke my arm I’m still doing it._ ” Klaine. Rated T.

* * *

 

It had been a really stupid risk, and Kurt had known that when he decided to try it, but he hadn’t thought he’d actually fall that far and his spotters would fail that epically. Sure, he knew that twisting his body like that in the air was just… crazy. But. He was one of Sue Sylvester’s best! Crazy was in his  _blood_. If he wasn’t pushing the limits then he might as well bed dead. As it was, he barely got himself up off the gymnasium floor without screaming in a mixture of pain and frustration.

“Hummel! What do you think you’re doing? You aren’t getting back in the air like that!” Coach Sue’s voice rang through the gym as she stomped toward him, lecturing about how he most likely broke his arm, given that he fell right on it and had yet to stretch it out from the bent position it was in during the botched landing.

Kurt grumbled under his breath, ignoring his coach and the eye roll shot at him from the bleachers where a seemingly uninterested duo of Blaine Anderson and Noah Puckerman sat, occasionally wolf-whistling just to piss Quinn and Santana off. “So what if I broke my arm? I’m still nailing this move…” Blue eyes narrowed in determination as Kurt motioned to his horrible spotters, not taking the time to find better for fear that that would give Sue enough time to actually stop him.

Soon enough, he was in the air again, contorting his body better this time, but still not good enough. When he moved his arm, he winced and lost concentration, flailing his uninjured arm as he came down to the ground faster than he had planned for. Kurt landed hard on the side of his foot, rolling his ankle and squealing in pain.

“Oh,  _great_. Just great. Fan- _freakin_ -tastic, Hummel! Why couldn’t you just listen? Now I’m out a star because he’s too damned stubborn!” Coach Sue was so angry she knocked over the pyramid Quinn had been at the top of, storming out of the gym and leaving Kurt lying on the ground in pain.

It was a slight shock when he found himself in strong arms, then, the scent of leather and Clove cigarettes filling his nostrils every time he inhaled.  _Blaine_. Kurt put on his best bitch-face as he narrowed his eyes at the boy, barely resisting the urge to run his fingers through those messy-but-so-silky curls and kiss him hard. “Please put me down. It’s just a sprained ankle,” he requested, though his eyes were much less kind than his words.

Blaine just shook his head and grinned, tilting his head and kissing Kurt with the demand that the cheerleader had felt pulsing in his own veins earlier. It was no secret they were together, but they weren’t very public people, so a kiss like this was special. It was also a hard bargaining tool and it was working. Kurt relaxed in Blaine’s arms with a sigh.

“You’re lucky you brought the Nav today, babe. Don’t think you’d be riding bitch on my bike like this…” he teased, earning him a smack on the back of the head from Quinn.

Kurt thanked her and blew her kisses as he was carried out of the gymnasium. The two had grown close what with their boyfriends being the two ‘baddest asses’ of McKinley and all… “My hero,” Kurt groused, handing over his keys and allowing his boyfriend to take him to the hospital where Carole worked. He’d get hell for the injuries, but at least his dad knew Blaine and wouldn’t be too mad about him driving the Navigator. “Blaine?” he whimpered as the bad boy buckled him into the passenger seat. “My arm and ankle hurt…”

At the sight of unshed tears on Kurt’s lashes, Blaine’s breath caught and he leaned in to kiss Kurt sweet and slow. “I’ll get you there quick and Carole will get you right in, babe. I got you.”  _I got you_. With those words, Kurt felt safe.


	11. Untitled Cheerio/Badboy Drabble #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follow up to previous chapter of this collection. Based on the sentence prompt “The skirt is short on purpose.” (rated T)

**Drabble** : Follow up to [this](http://klainebowsanddramioneflies.tumblr.com/post/121776256063/took-lilysunnyflowers-advice-and-picked-a-random) (tumblr link, last chapter of this collection). Based on the sentence prompt “ _The skirt is short on purpose._ ” (rated T)

Bed rest and Kurt Hummel were simply not cut out for each other. The boy was going insane, and he’d already been lectured at least four times for getting out of bed and hobbling around without the assistance of one of his family members, most of the lectures coming from Carole who was the resident nurse and so took it upon herself to be on constant ‘Kurt patrol’ as she called it.

HIs broken arm kept him from using crutches, which meant he needed support from another person in order to properly keep weight off of his sprained ankle whenever he moved around. Kurt didn’t like this plan. He didn’t like getting carried up the stairs to his room, hated being helped to the bathroom, and seriously had a problem with not even being able to go to school for over two weeks since Kurt couldn’t even push a wheelchair given his arm problem. He was essentially immobile and on house arrest. And it sucked royally.

He’d also been taken out of cheering for the season since his injuries would take a good 8 weeks to fully heal. He was so mad. The only person he didn’t constantly curse at was his boyfriend, who came over every day, often when he should be in class, just to keep Kurt company and make sure he didn’t fall over trying to take a piss.

“Babe, seriously, you need to stop being so stubborn,” the leather-clad boy commented as Kurt tried and failed to hobble to the bathroom. Blaine got up and supported him, walking him to the toilet and propping him up so he could relieve himself. “It’s not like I’ve never seen your dick before.”

Kurt rolled his eyes and slapped Blaine on the chest as the supposed badass laughed. Once they were back in his room, Kurt grabbed his laptop and pulled up some old cheer videos, feeling the need to at least study his form and make mental notes of where he could improve if he couldn’t actually practice.

“Whoa, wait, go back,” Blaine said, snatching the laptop and clicking a video that made Kurt blush profusely. It was slightly older, from before Blaine had transferred to McKinley, and back when Kurt was still establishing himself with Santana and Quinn. Tana had made a comment about the girls being more badass than the guys when it came to cheering, since they did it all in a skirt, so Kurt had decided to prove to her that the uniform didn’t make a bit of difference- he could out-cheer her in his birthday suit if he really wanted to.

Blaine’s eyes were practically popping out of his skull as he watched the video, then clicked to replay it. “Holy shit, babe. That is one short skirt.”

“The skirt is short on purpose, Blaine,” Kurt huffed, crossing his arms as best he could with one in a bright McKinley-red cast. “I was proving a point to Tana and Q. They didn’t think I could cheer in their uniform, so I showed them I could do better. I almost did it naked, but Coach Sue would have actually killed me for that and I am far too fabulous to die.”

The look in Blaine’s eyes at that idea, the naked performance, not the death, was something Kurt would store in his memory for weeks to come. “Fuck, babe. You can’t just say things like that.”

Injuries be damned, Kurt was still more than capable of a heavy makeout session with his bad influence of a boyfriend. At least until his dad got home and came into his room, clearing his throat and grousing about further injuries to Kurt’s ankle resulting in a ban on Blaine’s visits until he healed.

Burt laughed as he left the boys, noting the grumbled ‘cockblocker’ from Blaine and just rolling his eyes. Yeah, Burt had been there before. It was only his duty to keep on the legacy of parents everywhere, though. 


	12. -10 Notes?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon Prompt: Canon!famous!Klaine breaking the internet!
> 
> Title: -10 Notes?
> 
> Rating: T
> 
> Pairing: Klaine
> 
> Summary: Social media is fun, especially when you're famous. Or, when Blaine and Kurt break the internet and feels happen. Involves husbands being silly, and also dads being embarrassing. Yep, I went there. This is Klaine with kids and fame and *gasp* tumblr. Warning for cotton candy levels of fluff!

"Tracy, they did it again," the voice said solemnly, the teenaged male refreshing his browser only for the tumblr gremlins to pop back up and declare the page unloadable. His older sister by three years stalked over and peered over his shoulder, her golden eyes locking on the screen before narrowing to slits while she reered up and screeched.

Hep only just had the time to cover his ears before her wail escaped. "DADS! What did you DO?!" She smacked her brother for good measure, then stomped off through the house, dark ringlets trailing down her back behind her while Hepburn watched her go.

"Jeez, she's so angry. Nothing like Dad. Hard to believe she came from him 'cept how she looks exactly like him." The beagle he was talking to tilted its head at him, then howled until Tracy's yell to 'SHUT UP, FREDO!' made him stop and whine at the boy. "I know. She's mean to everybody. Must be something about her age..."

Having a sixteen year old sister was pain enough, but having two famous dads was torture. Hep could hardly even go to school without being asked about them, and he went to a fancy private place where all kinds of well-to-do kids attended. Sometimes he wished his dads were more like his 'uncle' Puck. Successful, but not so damn well known. He was a hero in the air force, yeah, but people just thought that was awesome and left it at that. No autographs and pictures and crap... And no breaking the damn internet.

Speaking of which...

The boy opened another tab on his laptop and navigated to twitter, noting how many mentions he had and attempting to navigate his way through them all. '@heptotheyep dude your dads break the net too much' 'blame this crash on @heptotheyep and his obnoxious fam' 'dammit @heptotheyep can't you tell them to get off our social media???' There were plenty of posts directed at his dads, but Hepburn didn't really care about those. He was more worried about how much his friends hated him for what his dads did, and looking at said dads' pages to try and figure out exactly what they'd done this time.

His answer came not from twitter, but from his sister stomping back into his room and swiping at the touchscreen of his computer, going back to tumblr and refreshing the page. "Look at what they did. Just look at it. The buffoons. Dad's using his 'secret account' that everybody figured out was him two years ago and our Father is encouraging him because they broke the notes. Again."

Sure enough, Hep looked where Tracy pointed and found a silly picture of their dads holding a playbiill and sheet music for their newly announced broadway show with ridiculous looks on their faces. Dad's pointy brows were raised and his mouth was open in that stupid questionable look while their Father's proud-yet-innocent face was in place. They were just... ridiculous. There was no other word to describe them.

"Oh my god, they are so embarrassing," Hep groaned, and Tracy nodded her agreement, slumping down beside him on his bed. "We are never going to live them down. Never. I thought their butt shaking, hip bumping stuff on that video from after Aunt Rachel had you was bad. This is so much worse. I mean, they're old now. Why are they still doing these things? Why?" He fell back on the bed and groaned while Tracy took the laptop and started flipping through the 'secret account's page.

Her gasp made him turn and look, only to see comments he never wanted to see. Ever. "Oh my God, ew! No! Why?!" There were so many people talking about how they wanted to be part of a 'Klaine sandwich' it was downright disturbing. Someone should hurt whoever came up with that nickname... Hep wanted to be that someone.

"What are you guys making all this noise about?"  Kurt stood in the doorway with his hands on his hips and Hep couldn't help but look into the eyes he shared with his Father, a frown on his face. "We already were lectured about 'respecting boundaries' from Tracy... now what have we done?"

Blaine came to join his husband at the doorway while Hepburn and Tracy sat together, looking at them in silent but clear judgment. "You guys are ruining our lives," Tracy said with all the seriousness of a high school Rachel Berry. Kurt couldn't help it. He just couldn't hold it in. He had to laugh. That girl was definitely the product of Blaine and Rachel and no one could ever tell him otherwise. Of course, she had his snark added in, which only made her worse for wear, really. Oh, she was going to be a handful forever. Someday someone would curse he and Blaine for bringing her into this world when the poor fool fell in love with her.

Tracy squawked at her Father for being inconsiderate and laughing at her, while Hep and his Dad exchanged a look, then Blaine worked his way around Kurt and into the room to sit on the bed beside his son, ignoring the way his daughter and husband were starting to argue and laugh. "What's up, Hep?"

The thirteen year old looked at his dad and sighed, shrugging. "You guys broke tumblr. Again. And now you have..." he looked at the computer that Tracy had dropped on the bed when she and Kurt had moved to a slap/tickle fight on the floor. (It was hilarious how she could get their prim and proper Father to crawl around on the floor like some animal, in all honesty...) "Negative nine, no negative ten notes. I don't even know how that happens, Dad. Seriously. You guys make things happen that really shouldn't At all." He tilted his head and grinned a little.

"What?" Blaine asked, mirroring that secret smile.

Hep shook his head, looking at his sister and their Father, both of whom were smiling and laughing as they wrestled on the floor. "You make a lot of things happen that shouldn't. Like this family. Tracy's smile. My understanding math..." He poked his dad in the belly and Blaine let out an 'oof'. "You guys made a lot happen for a lot of people, too. With the stuff you did for the LGB alphabet soup on broadway and everything. I mean, I guess it kinda sucks having famous parents sometimes, but..."

He looked at Tracy and Kurt and back to Blaine, then reached down to hit the heart that served as a 'like' button on the picture that had broken tumblr. "I'm proud of you, Dad. Both of you. I'm really happy to be your son."


	13. Purple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Also found here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/5643943
> 
> Fill for the prompt ‘Cute/funny/awkward fic about one of Klaine’s kids snooping for Christmas/birthday presents and accidentally finding THEIR toys.  
> I can’t decide if it’d be better with a clueless little kid or one who is old enough to have at least a vague idea of what s/he just found.  
> If you want to take it to the smutty place after the child has left the room, you can, but it's not necessary.’
> 
> This is part of the same 'verse as the chapter '-10 Notes' in this collection. :)

If anyone had asked Hepburn Hummel-Anderson what he thought his life would be like when he hit ‘sweet-sixteen,’ he probably wouldn’t have said this. It was summer break, he had a summer birthday, and it was almost time for his party. ‘Almost’ meaning that it was still a week until his actual birthday and his party was a few days prior because “birthdays are family days, Hepburn,” as his father lectured when he complained. Who didn’t celebrate with friends on the actual day when their birthday was in the _summer_? That was just… lame.

 

Anyway, Hep really didn’t think he’d ever have imagined he’d be turning sixteen while his ridiculously obnoxious older sister made out with her punk-rock boyfriend. Was it a boyfriend? Hep honestly wasn’t even sure, since Tracy refused to label herself with any sort of sexuality and the kid she was with was seriously androgynous as _fuck_. Like, dude, Hep was seriously impressed. And a little freaked out. So sue him! He had some limits! Not everyone could just accept _everything_ , jeez. It wasn’t like he was a dick to the… person. Tracy sure acted like he was.

 

So, Tracy was down there sucking face while their dads were who even knew where (probably doing something new to cause them endless embarrassment, the damn famous fucks) and Hepburn was left to search for the car keys he just knew he’d get for his birthday. All while watching little Ellie.

 

His one-year-old sister was… well, she was better than Tracy, at least. She was a surprise, a confusing surprise, and she was a handful and a half. And most of the time Hep was the one who ended up watching the twerp. He did rather adore her, though. The blonde curls and bright blue eyes made her the least like either of their dads, which was fitting, since she was actually adopted.

 

Apparently a friend had a little ‘unplanned miracle’ and wasn’t exactly ready for a baby, and what were the Hummel-Andersons going to do other than take the little thing in? It was perfect timing, too, since Tracy was heading to college around the time Ellie was born. Being there before the birth meant that they even got to name their newest, and little Ellie was dubbed Elizabeth, though Hep never used her full name. That was just too much for such a little girl.

 

“You’re gonna help me find my present, aren’t ya, Ellie?” he asked with a grunt as he tugged a box from a shelf in the closet, only to uncover a bunch of old photo albums and scrap books that he’d seen too many times to count. “Oh Jesus. Why do they hang on to all this crap?”

 

He gave an exasperated huff as he shoved the box back where he found it, only vaguely registering a giggling sound, followed by some kind of vibration, then a familiar drooly coo that meant Ellie had found something to pacify her sore gums. Having a teething toddler was not very fun, in Hep’s opinion. She was cute, but damn. Ellie had some lungs on her and when her teeth hurt… He figured he’d be listening to her crying for the last… sixteen months or so? That totally meant he could deal with it for another two years until he was off to college, right? Cause girls never quite wailing- just ask Tracy.

 

Speaking of, she was downstairs bitching at the boy-girl- _whatever_ -friend right now. Hep rolled his eyes as she lectured, only catching random words but getting the gist of it. Apparently they weren’t working out because relationships were give and take and there was a lot of giving from her and a lot of taking from them and not a lot else and blah, blah, Tracy was done and that son-of-a-bitch could get out of her house and out of her life.

 

Well then. That was interesting.

 

At least it wasn’t like the last relationship that ended because Tracy found out the guy had been stealing some of their dads’ shit to sell on eBay. Yeah… The joys of having famous parents.

 

“Oh, shit!” Hepburn looked into the drawer he’d just opened, eyes bulging. “No fuckin’ way! Oh my God, I so did not need to see all this!” he commented. Apparently his first swear had been loud enough to alert their aging dog to the discovery, because the semi-senile beagle came strolling in, looking around for some excitement.

 

Following the dog was Tracy, who looked oddly calm considering the verbal lashing she’d just handed to her ex-partner. “What are you going on about? Gave Fredo a heart attack, Jesus…” she trailed, eyes glancing down to their baby sister, who was still sucking and nipping happily at the thing she’d found, which was still making that weird vibration noise.

 

“Oh. My. _God_. HEPBURN!” Tracy screeched, motioning at their sister in a panic as if she had no idea what to do but needed to do something. Then Hep’s eyes fell to the baby and the item she had in her mouth and…

 

“Fuck,” he swore, slamming the drawer of sex toys shut and reaching for the vibrating dildo in his baby sister’s mouth. “Oh my God. This is so disgusting. I cannot believe… Jesus, Tracy, help me here!”

 

He motioned for his older sister to hold the younger one as he did his best to barely touch the object, pulling it from her mouth with an easy slide that was just so fucking _wrong_. “The dads are getting in so much trouble for this. How could they leave this out? And they… oh God. They use… Ugh. Bad images! Tracy! Bleach my brain!” Hep cried, tossing the dildo into the corner where it happily buzzed against the floor.

 

Fredo looked like he was about to chase after it, but with a sharp “ _No!_ ” from Tracy, he backed off and sulked out of the room. “I hope you learned your lesson about cheating and finding your presents early, Hep…” The littlest sibling gurgled happily at them both and Tracy shook her head…

 

* * *

 

 

“Wait, you let Elizabeth do _what_?” Kurt’s eyes were about popping out of his head while Blaine rolled with laughter. Literally rolled. He’d fallen off his chair and was lying on the floor howling while Tracy and Hep stared at him with matching ‘ _seriously_ ’ looks with the brow quirked just like Kurt always did. It only made Blaine laugh harder, really.

 

The subject of their conversation was up in her crib, peacefully sleeping, as Kurt and Blaine had come home rather late from a meeting with agents and public relations people that lasted well past the dinner it was meant to take up. When they’d come home, the kids had informed them of their poor choice in hiding places for their toys, such as right out in the open, and Tracy had proceeded to paint a lovely picture of exactly _what_ was now in her sister’s mouth and stomach.

 

Hep was going to have nightmares. Seriously. And he wasn’t even going to mention all the shit he’d seen in that drawer. He shivered and gagged, making Kurt quirk a brow. “Yeah, she had your fuckin-“

 

“ _Language_!” Kurt and Blaine said together, harsh tones and glares on their faces.

 

“-freakin’ sex toy in her mouth. Really, guys? You’re gonna get on me about swearing when I had to pull a _vibrating dildo_ out of your baby’s mouth? Me? Your son? Had to pull your giant vibrating purple dick out of your teething toddler’s mouth. And you’re going to yell at me for my language?” He looked at them incredulously, while Kurt and Blaine exchanged a sour and sad glance.

 

Blaine mouthed ‘ _the purple one?_ ’ sadly at his husband before looking sternly at his son. “You shouldn’t have even been in there in the first place, Hep. What were you doing?” And so he got the confession about his son looking for his present. They also learned why Tracy wasn’t watching the baby, and had to commend her for standing up for herself, even if they were growing a bit worried about the fact that none of her relationships lasted and she was always the one to end them…

 

“Right, well, it was clean so…” the kids both grimaced, muttering about how they really did not need to know before Kurt kept going. “She should be fine. She has an appointment the day after the birthday party anyway with the pediatrician, so we can just get her checked up then…” He looked at his children and shook his head. “Just go to bed, alright? We’ll just… call this an all-around screw-up. For all of us. Good?”

 

They nodded and hugs were exchanged, then Kurt and Blaine were left alone after the sound of Tracy and Hepburn fighting their way up the stairs and to their rooms. “Did you ever think it would be this hard?” Kurt asked with a sigh, falling back on the couch once he heard both doors close.

 

Blaine crawled over and kneeled beside the couch, resting his arms on it and his head on them. “Did you ever think it would be this rewarding?” His eyes twinkled at Kurt, and the countertenor swooned. Almost twenty-three years of marriage and he still got tingles up and down his spine just looking at his husband. He leaned over and softly kissed Blaine’s lips.

 

“No, I never thought life could be so great. I never imagined we’d have three amazing children. Never thought we’d see our names up in lights for real, or break the internet as the kids always complain… I never thought we’d need to replace that purple dildo, either,” he grumped at the last part, and Blaine laughed.

 

“It’s perfectly fine to use, Kurt. We just have to clean off the drool… God knows I’ve drooled on it before…” he wiggled his brows and Kurt shoved him so he fell back on the floor with an ‘oof’.

 

Following his husband, Kurt straddled the man on the floor and leaned down to bite from his ear to his neck, leaving behind harsh marks. “I don’t care how clean it is- I am not using a toy that’s been in my toddler’s mouth! That’s just too many kinds of wrong, Blaine!”

 

Eventually, Blaine agreed, but only because they decided that a little online shopping was definitely needed. And if picking out new toys got them a little over excited, well… What the kids didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them, right?

 


	14. Porny Prompt: Parent Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr Porny Prompt: "My parents are coming over in ten minutes, so please put some clothes on!" (Klaine Pairing, Rated a high T to a low M because while there isn't sex, there is a lot of mention of sexual things...)

The door to their apartment flies open and Blaine yelps. It isn't that he wasn't expecting Kurt at all. No, he was expecting his fiancé. Just, not quite yet. He's almost positive Kurt isn't supposed to be home for another thirty minutes. The thing is, Blaine isn't quite ready yet. He was in the middle of preparing himself for something special, and, well, he's partially there, but...

  
There's a bowl of strawberries beside the bed, and a bottle of champagne on ice- and he has plans for that ice, too... There's a bunch of toys sitting out on the bench at the foot of the bed, and he has the bed lined with an older sheet and a couple towels. There's fresh cream that he whipped just an hour ago ready and waiting in the fridge. And to top it all off, Blaine is completely and utterly naked.

  
He spent the last hour getting himself ready for his fiancé. He bathed, he shaved, he cleaned every nook and cranny so well Kurt could eat off of him. _Everywhere_.

  
Blaine is ready for a very nice afternoon slash evening. He's so ready. The only thing is, he wanted to have the cream out of the fridge and he even had plans to cuff himself to the bed for Kurt to wander in and find him on display on the bed, ready and waiting for Kurt to do with him as he pleased.

  
Instead, Kurt just walked in and is gaping at Blaine like the whole world is about to end. Not exactly the reaction Blaine was hoping for. He's about to whine about how he made his ass so clean Kurt could fuck him with his tongue when Kurt opens his mouth and says words that instantly kill Blaine's boner.

  
"My parents are coming over in ten minutes, so please put some clothes on? And help me hide... all of this?" He motions to the toys, the lube (both flavored and non), and the bondage items on the bed. The strawberries and champagne are left out of the sweep, but that's about all the innocent romance to be found in the sultry set-up.

  
Blaine squeaks. "Ohmygod," he breathes in one go, staring at Kurt in a panic, still utterly naked and going pale. "Burt and Carole are here?! In New York?!" He finally starts moving, gathering all the sex toys in his arms at once before realizing what a bad idea that is. There are just too many and he really doesn't have very long arms, so it's really inevitable that they all fall all over the floor.

  
There's a groan from both boys and Kurt kind of rolls his eyes as Blaine gets down on his hands and knees and starts rummaging around for the scattered sex toys, but he can't stay distracted by his fiancé's beautiful ass for too long as he remembers that his father and stepmother are nearing their apartment and there's still so much to do!

  
Kurt's so busy shoving lube and bondage gear into drawers and throwing sheets and the comforter and duvet and throw pillows on their bed, that he doesn't notice his phone vibrating in his pocket. He didn't even turn the ringer back on when he left work early! And Blaine doesn't have his phone on him since he's, well, nude and crawling halfway under the bed after a hot pink dildo.

  
So it's really no wonder they don't hear the knocking on the door, nor the "Kids? You home?" as Burt and Carole let themselves in.

  
It's no surprise that Kurt and Blaine don't expect Kurt's parents to stroll right into their bedroom while Kurt's fighting to untangle himself from the under-bed restraint kit that somehow got caught up in the straps of his latest vest design and Blaine's still basically prostrating himself right there on the bedroom floor, spread ass facing the unsuspecting guests. How could they expect Burt and Carole to just walk into their bedroom, though?

  
It's Burt's cough and Carole's gasp that have both boys glancing toward the door in utter horror. Blaine swallows hard, eyes wide and welling with embarrassed tears, while Kurt starts to turn so pink he looks like a highlighter. The silence is deafening until Carole finally breaks it, the only one brave enough and kind enough to try and make it all better.

  
"We weren't sure if you boys were actually home. Kurt wasn't answering his phone and no one answered the door... But then it was open, so we wanted to make sure you weren't hurt or anything..." she says with a small smile. Kurt sidesteps in front of Blaine to block his bare body from view. "Why don't we go call in our reservations with the restaurant while you two finish up in here, okay? Then we'll all just catch up out in the living room?"

  
Blaine awkwardly gets to his feet, standing behind Kurt on his tiptoes so he can peer over his fiancé's shoulder. "We'll bring out some refreshments. We have a lovely champagne and some fresh strawberries. There's freshly whipped cream in the fridge to go with them in the fridge..." he trailed, blushing as he and Carole meet eyes.

  
"That sounds lovely, sweetie," she says, and Burt just stays silently gaping as he's led out of the room by his wife. The door clicks shut behind them and Blaine sinks down on the bed.

  
Azure eyes meet golden as Kurt stares at Blaine, who doesn't even know what to say at this moment. "At least your nudity distracted them from all the dildos and butt plugs?" Kurt says with a little smile tugging at his lips, which actually has Blaine laughing.

  
He shakes his head and looks down at himself, his naked cock so shriveled it's rather embarrassing. "Nothing quite like Burt Hummel to kill a raging hard on..." he mutters, making Kurt snort.

  
"You have no idea," the brunette answers, and they both burst out laughing again.

  
There's a call from the living room that sounds like Burt grumbling about being hungry and how he doesn't care if Blaine's still naked, he'll drag them to the restaurant as is. That makes the pair sober up pretty quickly, Kurt scrambling to find some clothes for his fiancé and throwing them at his naked form.

  
"Trust me, he isn't kidding," he hisses, quickly gathering up the toys and tossing them in a drawer while Blaine ties one of the newest bowties Kurt made him, finishing his outfit and feeling at least a little more presentable.

  
The two enter the living room, berries and champagne in hand, only blushing a little bit. Blaine silently counts that as a win. "So, let's just not talk about that and count this as our hellos. Good to see ya, boys," Burt says, popping the cork on the champagne and pouring it into wine glasses, despite the actual champagne flutes that Kurt brought from the kitchen. He glares at his dad, but Burt just rolls his eyes. "You can't fit more than a mouthful in those things. They're pointless. Here."

  
Blaine giggles and Carole fondly rolls her eyes, taking a wine glass and dipping a strawberry in the cream she'd already gathered from the fridge. Suddenly, everything is just... normal. Really, if these are the things he has to look forward to being married to Kurt, Blaine doesn't think he has much to worry about. A little awkward nudity and full moon jokes in exchange for inlaws like this? Blaine thinks he'll take that any day.


	15. Porny Prompt: Cock Warmer Kurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr Porny Prompt: Kurt is Blaine's cock warmer- Kurt can use his ass, mouth, whatever, but whenever they are home, Kurt is on that cock!
> 
> Klaine, rated M

"Finally," Kurt sighed, entering the room he shared with his boyfriend and draping his blazer over his desk chair. "I was seriously about ready to shove that damn gavel up Wesley's ass!" It was always easy to tell when they were kept late in Warbler practice based on how many times Kurt cursed and whether Wes became "Wesley" or not.

  
Today had been a _long_ day.

  
The countertenor had already added his tie to the pile with his blazer, both pristinely placed, before untucking his collared shirt and unbuttoning it, tossing it in the hamper and leaving him in just a thin undershirt on top. His shoes were neatly placed beside his desk, and his pants and socks soon discarded with the shirt in his hamper. Kurt was nothing if not efficient once he got to their room.

  
Thin brow quirked, he looked over at his boyfriend who was moving 

significantly less quickly. "Blaaaaine," he whined, a dark edge in his eyes that had the shorter male shivering slightly. "Wes already made me wait how long? Do you _really_ want to make it even longer?" His bare foot tapped on the hard wood floor as Kurt stood before his boyfriend, clad only in tight briefs and that thin undershirt that showed pebbled nipples and an aroused member.

  
"Alright, alright," Blaine grumbled, but his lips pulled at the corners, betraying his joy. He did love how cock-hungry his boyfriend was. "We still have to do that reading for Mrs. Godfrey though..." he trailed, knowing they had five chapters to read for their AP English class. Luckily, they were in the class together and so had the same assignments.

  
Blaine tended to read the sections aloud to Kurt while they snuggled anyway. It was oddly intimate and domestic at the same time, and it made them both feel good. Plus, it made the homework a bit more enjoyable. They were both doing very well in that particular class thanks to working on it together, actually.

  
Kurt smiled and pulled the book out of his satchel while Blaine undressed and took a bottle of lube from his bedside table. "Find our place while I get ready?" he asked, and Kurt bit his lip, grinning and nodding his assent.

  
Climbing onto his bed, Blaine pulled down his covers and leaned against his pillows, propped against the headboard. He lazily massaged his length, getting it slick and fully hard as his eyes fluttered shut with pleasure. He loved getting ready for his amazing boyfriend. He loved their nightly sessions. God, Blaine couldn't wait for when they weren't constantly under watch of so many other people, too. Then they could do this so much more often. Kurt would constantly be on him. He'd constantly be in Kurt. The very thought had Blaine grunting as he thrust into his hand.

  
"Don't overdo it, there, gorgeous," Kurt purred, climbing into Blaine's lap, now completely naked as well and straddling Blaine's hips. The paler male sunk down over his boyfriend's erection, not even needing to stretch for the fact that he did this so often. He slowly lowered himself, letting Blaine stretch him open, loving the slight pull, the way he felt everything as Blaine slowly inched inside.

  
"Mmm, I love you," Kurt whispered, leaning in to kiss his boyfriend as he sat easily in Blaine's lap, just holding his rigid member inside. It was where Blaine belonged. If Kurt could, he'd live like this, with Blaine always inside of him, never leaving. "God, you feel so good like that. So warm and heavy and big. You fill me up so good, Blaine," Kurt said huskily, and Blaine just groaned.

  
Blaine couldn't help but shift a little bit, getting comfortable as his dick twitched inside of his beautiful, hot, tight boyfriend, until he was settled. "I love you, Kurt. You're so fucking perfect." And there was just something about being inside this boy that made Blaine's inhibitions fall away and let him swear and moan, let his voice fall and get rawer, let him be that much more honest. "My cock slut. Only mine, yeah? God, I love it. You're so fucking sexy. Mmm. Amazing. My beautiful, perfect, sexy Kurt. Mine."

  
It was like this every time they started this ritual. Kurt sank down on Blaine and he worshiped him with words, touched his body all over, trailed his mouth over Kurt's lips and neck and chest, his fingers marking Kurt's hips and ass, trailing over his cock in lazy swipes until they finally calmed enough to focus on their schoolwork.

  
They kissed between chapters and during line breaks, Kurt clenching his muscles every now and then just to make Blaine smile or jerk his hips. They were so content. Until there was a knock at the door.

  
"Go away!" Blaine grumbled, not at all sounding like himself. He was in a zone with Kurt in his lap, had been for the last few hours, and he wasn't ready to be interrupted. They shouldn't be interrupted for the whole night. Kurt usually kept him like this until the alarm went off and they had to go to classes. Blaine wasn't ready for their little private bubble of bliss to end.

  
The door rapped again, then the handle turned and someone obviously had the key. The only people who had that were the RA and... "Dammit, Wes!" Kurt screeched, already having been angry with the Asian male earlier.

  
The Warbler leader had keys to every Warbler's room for some ungodly reason, and abused that power, apparently. Blaine grabbed the sheets of his bed and pulled them up to at least cover his and Kurt's lower halves, but did nothing to hide the fact that they were both at least shirtless, and Kurt was very much sitting in his lap, straddling him.

  
"Oh, uh, we just needed your input on a song choice for regionals..." Wes started, David at his side looking irritated with his best friend. Kurt glared daggers while his ass clenched tightly around Blaine, who tried desperately not to either scream or come, or both.

  
"Wes, I swear, if you don't leave this room right now I will encourage Kurt to do unspeakable things involving your damned gavel!" Blaine threatened, making Wes squawk in indignation. Luckily, David had been paying attention to the looks in both Blaine's and Kurt's eyes, so he dragged his best friend out of the room before someone got hurt.

  
Once the door closed, Blaine looked at his boyfriend with sweat on his brow. "Do you think you could calm down a little before you make me come my brains out here?"

  
Rolling his hips, Kurt smirked saucily. "Who says I don't want you exploding inside me?" he asked, and Blaine thanked his lucky stars that Kurt would always keep him snuggled safe inside him, no matter how soft and sticky he might happen to be.


	16. Porny Prompt: Roleplay Blunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porny Prompt: Kurtbastian, roleplay gone hilariously wrong. Maybe be patient and the shrink, but things get too deep and one of them starts bringing up something stupid from their childhood. Maybe something about Timmy stealing their Hulu hoop in 3rd grade and it damaged them. I don't know. Haha. And the other going "oh god.."
> 
> Kurtbastian, Rated High T to M

"So, Mr. Smythe, tell me what brings you in today..." Kurt asks, sitting in his desk chair in a white trench-style coat over a plum-colored dress shirt, slacks tenting already despite the fact that he just had to wrestle his way into a full outfit for the sake of 'realness' as Sebastian explained. For his part, Seb is lying on Kurt's dorm bed in his polo and jeans, hands behind his head as he lounges on Kurt's pillows.

 

They'd just recently decided to explore some kinks, and when 'role playing' came up, both of them had shrugged. Since they hadn't tried it before, they agreed to try it now, and the idea of a 'doctor/patient' setting seemed... agreeable. How on earth they'd gotten to psychiatry was beyond Kurt, but he supposed it was sexier than a prostate exam, so...

 

"I have this issue with acting out," Seb answers, and Kurt almost snorts before he notices Sebastian's raised brow. Obviously he's going to bitch if Kurt breaks character, so the countertenor clears his throat and nods, making a note on his clipboard.

 

There's a bit of a pause, then Kurt stares at his boyfriend before tilting his head. "And why do you think you have this... problem? Could it be because nobody's...  _stroking_  your ego enough?" he asks, the innuendo thick in his tone.

 

Seb shakes his head, staring hard at Kurt's ceiling. "No, no... I think it's more... I grew up really spoiled, you know?" Kurt blinks, not really sure how this is supposed to go in the sexual way he was sure it was heading, but nods all the same as Seb continues. “Like, the only time I was ever told ‘no’ was when this little shit, Timmy, took my first edition Charizard card and the teachers didn’t give a shit. Told my dad and he told me to grow up. That card was a birthday gift from my older cousin. It was fucking vintage by that point, man. Like, it was worth something, you know? Everybody was fucking jealous…”

 

It’s weird to hear Sebastian get all emotional about something material when money has never meant shit to the spoiled little rich kid, but Kurt feels like he’s seeing a whole new side of his boyfriend. At the same time, he’s beyond frustrated because, dammit, they were supposed to be roleplaying something sexy here!

 

“After Timmy, nobody really stood up to my shit until you,” Seb continues, peering over at the faux doctor with a cocked brow. He almost looks impressed. “I think that’s why I was so damned determined to piss you off. I just really wanted to get back at you for being such a prissy little punk, you know?” Seb sighs and runs fingers through his messy hair, looking suddenly worn out and a little nervous.

 

His hand is shaking as he leans back and rests both hands on his abdomen, lacing his fingers together. Kurt feels a little uneasy as he looks the taller man over, not liking where this conversation is going. “Seb, you don’t have to keep talking…” he murmurs, completely breaking character, but also going ignored.

 

The supposed patient plows on, eyes narrowing as he speaks. “The slushy wasn’t meant for him. You know that, right?” There’s a mutter about having heard it said about a hundred times by now, but Seb ignores it and keeps speaking. “The rock salt was supposed to make the dye extra strong. With your pale skin it would have dyed you red for fucking weeks- maybe even months! Those stupid clothes would have been completely ruined! It would have been fan-fucking-tastic! It wasn’t my fault that the fucking hobbit jumped in the way.”

 

Green eyes full of pain looked at Kurt, clearly begging for forgiveness and breaking the countertenor’s heart. “He’s just so damn _short_ , though. It wasn’t supposed to be him! And then he was ducked down, too, and… It was never meant to go anywhere near anyone’s _eyes_!”

 

Kurt really wants to pull out his hair right now because Sebastian just looks so desperate for forgiveness even though he’s already had it since he apologized- hell, since Kurt realized the slushy would have never hit his face if it had actually hit him like it was supposed to- and Kurt just needs to hold him and tell him it’s okay. So he does.

 

Kurt climbs out of his chair and onto the bed all as Sebastian’s curling up into himself, crying and swearing about how Blaine ruined everything and made him look like such an asshole and fuck everything and why was Blaine such a stupid fuck anyway? It’s hard for Kurt to stop from giving Seb a frustrated look or a “what the actual fuck?” look, but he manages instead to just look at him with heated eyes full of love and slight frustration.

 

“Sebastian,” Kurt starts, staring intensely at his boyfriend. The roleplay is completely forgotten by now, Kurt utterly focused on Seb’s needs. “You have already apologized enough for your past. You’ve made up for it more than was ever necessary. I already _know_ you weren’t aiming to hurt anyone, Seb! You need to stop beating yourself up about it!”

 

The countertenor glares once he knows Seb understands, that his point has been made and the idiot he’s in love with knows he’s been stupid to worry, that they are good, that all is well. Now it’s time to show Seb just how frustrated he is. “Dammit, Sebastian!” Kurt snaps, full diva let loose. “This was supposed to be sexy and fun! What the actual _fuck_?!”

 

Kurt smacks his hands down on Seb’s chest, and even through his shirt, Sebastian feels the sting. He lets out a hiss and jerks his hips, which makes Kurt growl and smirk. “You promised me something kinky and exciting. I’m getting my kinky sex, dammit!”

 

Lucky for Kurt, Sebastian isn’t one to complain when his boyfriend takes what was promised.


	17. Porny Prompt: ER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porny Prompt: Klaine have kinky sex in the kitchen and Blaine somehow gets hurt. So they have to explain to the ER nurse why Blaine needs a cast and pain meds. And the nurse judges the hell out of them.
> 
> Klaine, Rated High T to M, Warning for blood and injury!

There comes a moment when you have to ask yourself "how in the hell did this even happen?" For Kurt Hummel, that moment comes when he is sitting in the ER, holding his husband's hand while a nurse stares at them with an incredulous look on her face, brow raised as her fingers hover over the keys of her portable computer, asking them to please repeat what they just said because she definitely did  _not_  get all that in the chart.

 

Because, really, who in the hell would have kept typing when the two men before them just said all  _that_? Kurt really can't blame the girl. He can't even get mad at her for her obvious judgment. Hell,  _he's_  judging them right now!

 

It's really not okay, though, all the same, because Blaine's squeezing Kurt's hand so hard it's starting to turn all the colors of the goddamn rainbow and while Kurt is as gay as a two-dollar bill, as his father likes to say, he doesn't really want to look like a pride flag, thanks dear.

 

"I'm sorry, but before we go on, can someone give my husband some pain killers of some sort? He's about to break my hand here, and I don't really think we want to be in here for two people instead of just the one..." Kurt says, and the nurse finally looks at his hand and gasps at how purple it's turned.

 

"Oh. My..." she trails, shooting Blaine a pitying look. "Yeah, let me get the doctor to give you a quick something so we can get the facts straight without too much discomfort..." At least she is understanding, even if she's judging them. Like Kurt already admitted, the judgment is well-deserved. Who has sex in the kitchen while cooking is going on, anyway?

 

To be fair, it wasn't the first time they'd had kitchen sex. Kurt's not stupid, and he likes to think Blaine isn't too dumb either. It's just that this time, there were still sharp instruments out and Kurt was in the middle of cooking and Blaine was too excited and all the things combined were just... not good. At all.

 

If it had just been one little accident, they could have fixed things at home. Kurt knows how to patch little issues up. After all, he makes clothing. There's always tears and issues to patch up. He can sew and mend. It isn't so hard to do some first aid on a person, too. It's just... well... There wasn't just a single wound or a broken toe or something.

 

The doctor must have okayed some pain meds because the nurse comes back with something and Blaine's not crushing Kurt's hand anymore, so she starts back with the questioning. "Now, explain what happened again, please."

 

It's not like Kurt wants to get into the gritty details, but he kind of has to in order to really explain what happened. So, he grits his teeth and starts at the beginning. "Well, Blaine came home with some really good news about his job, and I was cooking a new stir fry recipe..." he trails, remembering the scene clear in his head.

 

The veggies had required a perfect slice, so he had out the long, sharp knife. It was still on the cutting board with the scraps, waiting to be washed and the scraps to be tossed. He had vegetables and shrimp ready to go, oil heating in a wok on the stovetop, and water set to boil for rice noodles. Kurt was in a zone, so he didn't even hear or feel Blaine sneaking up on him. Otherwise, he might have turned off the burners before engaging in sexual acts.

 

The thing about hot oil is, if you don't put food in it soon enough, it keeps heating up until it catches fire. So when Blaine distracted Kurt with neck kisses and love bites and stripping them both down until a slick finger circled Kurt's hole while he tried to reach for the stove.

 

That was when the wok ignited.

 

Of course, both men jumped and screamed. Kurt threw his hands up, smacking Blaine in the face, which gave the poor, unsuspecting man a bloody nose. Kurt grabbed a nearby bag of flour and poured it on the flames, shutting off both burners and effectively dousing the fire and making a complete mess of his kitchen, but at least it wasn't on fire anymore, Meanwhile, Blaine could hardly see and was bleeding profusely, grappling around for a towel to staunch the flow of his nose.

 

The darker-haired man groped around on the counters for a towel, only to knock the knife from the cutting board, slicing his leg and deeply cutting his foot when the sharp instrument fell. Blaine howled in pain, hopping on the uninjured foot, still unable to see from the pain and swelling of his nose, and unbalanced from his injured leg and foot. It was no surprise when he toppled over, landing all wrong on his arm, twisting it weirdly at the wrist and letting out a scream that shook Kurt to his core.

 

There Blaine was, half-naked, no longer hard at all, covered in blood and mostly likely with a broken wrist. There was no way Kurt could fix all of that. And their dinner was definitely ruined.

 

"So your husband tried to jump you in the kitchen, and ended up with all... this?" the nurse asks for what has to be the third time at least, and Kurt has to stop himself from snapping at her.

 

Yes, it's a ridiculous story, but seriously. He just wants someone to patch his husband up! He's grateful that they at least stopped the bleeding, but he's really ready to get Blaine home and give him some well-deserved cuddles. The poor man has been through hell today.

 

"Pretty much. So can you give him some stitches and a cast or whatever? Maybe a prescription for pain pills? I dunno. I just really would like to get him home now if I can..." Kurt mumbles, feeling awful as Blaine's eyes get darker from the broken nose. Apparently Kurt's elbow made pretty solid contact with Blaine's nose...

 

Luckily, the doctor comes in and gets everything set after chuckling about the story, much to Blaine's dismay and Kurt's growing irritation. They finally get to leave, with a prescription for some pain pills and orders for Blaine to stay home from work for a couple days until his nose and general aches have a little time to heal and he isn't high on pain killers, and they're headed home.

 

"I'm really sorry, Blaine," Kurt mutters as he cards his fingers through Blaine's hair, the shorter man with his head in Kurt's lap on their couch. "I didn't mean to hurt you, and then that caused all this to happen and... I'm such a jerk."

 

There are tears in his eyes as Kurt looks down on Blaine's bruised eyes, looking up at him with nothing but love. "No, Kurt. You're not a jerk," Blaine says, reaching for Kurt's other hand and holding it softly. "You're perfect. You got me help and told the story so I didn't have to, even though it was so embarrassing. And you're taking care of me even though I'm clumsy and ridiculous... I love you so much. I'm so lucky to be your husband," he adds with such a charming smile, even as his voice is thick and stuffy thanks to the state of his nose.

 

Kurt can't help but smile, laughing a little at the situation. "I guess we'll have to have our celebratory sex when you heal, huh?" he asks with a giggle, and Blaine laughs right along with him.

 

"I love you, Kurt."

 

"I love you, too, Blaine."

 


	18. Porny Prompt: Outdoor Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porny Prompt: Klaine — I want hot steamy raunchy sex. I would like Kurt as the bottom, please. I would like to see Blaine ravish Kurt after coming home to see Kurt doing yard work. Have Blaine use his strength to lift Kurt up and fuck him up against the side of Burt's house. All in broad daylight. Want a shocked but vocal Kurt, begging Blaine to pound harder and faster.
> 
> Klaine, Rated M

Blaine always thought moving to Ohio would be boring- until he met his new neighbors. He'd gone to OSU and majored in education, only to get a job at some tiny school in  _Lima_. Who even knew where Lima, Ohio was anyway? He'd never heard of it until he got the job. Hell, even when he applied, he hadn't paid any attention to where the job was. Blaine had just applied to everywhere close enough that was hiring. Graduate and get a job, that was the mantra. Blaine needed to move out of the dorms anyway, so he could apply anywhere.

 

Money wasn't a problem as he had the trust from his grandparents, so he just went with it. When he got the job at McKinley, Blaine was told it would pretty much be a permanent thing unless he didn't want it. This came from not one or two teachers, but six of them. Six. Teachers. They all said the same thing, give or take. Figgins didn't like change and he hated doing extra work. If he wanted the job for good and didn't do anything too crazy, it was his.

 

So, Blaine was the new English teacher since the old one had tragically (or not so tragically since no one really seemed to care) passed away over the summer. Of course, it was still summer, so the lady had actually just died at the end of the year and they'd had a sub for the last month or so, but saying summer made it all seem less... bad? Blaine didn't really get it, but he had a job. And a house. And a really hot neighbor.

 

Who apparently was coming back from New York to stay with his father for a while?

 

After a couple weeks of living in his new house, Blaine knew Kurt rather well. He was a year older than Blaine and had graduated from Parsons after doing a bit of theatre studies in the city but deciding fashion was his real passion. He was able to work on designs from home, having connections with a few labels through his old job at Vogue, and was already signed with a couple people- making a few things for them and selling the designs to their studios.

 

Kurt was impressive. He had goals. Someday he'd have his own label and shop, Blaine was sure. For now, he was home to help his father keep an eye on his health. He'd had a couple scares, and Kurt didn't trust him to watch it on his own. Plus, he didn't want Burt doing anything too stressful for his heart. So, Kurt was going to do the yard work and such over the summer at least.

 

Thus, it was no surprise for Blaine to come home one hot and humid afternoon in the middle of July to see a shirtless Kurt Hummel raking up grass clippings, a still-hot lawn mower cooling in front of the garage door. The only thing on Kurt's body other than his tennis shoes were a pair of spandex shorts- the workout kind that clung in all the right places and showed off just how perfect the boy's body was. His muscles, while not obnoxious in any way, were tight and flexed thanks to the strenuous activity he'd just been doing, and the sweat pouring off his body made him look so... sexy.

 

Blaine couldn't help but groan at the sight, especially when Kurt set down the rake and ran a hand through his soaked hair, simultaneously grabbing a bottle of ice water and squirting some in his mouth, then closing his eyes and dowsing his face and head with the cool liquid, letting it drip down his neck and chest.

 

"Oh. My. God."

 

Self control no longer existed in Blaine's world. He'd been working up to asking Kurt out. They'd both been flirting and kind of danced around the idea of something more, but nothing had happened as of yet. No more, though. Blaine couldn't help himself. Kurt just looked like... like walking sex, and Blaine didn't have that kind of control.

 

The educator got out of his car and strode right up to the designer, taking in the look of shock as he grabbed Kurt by his hips and walked him backwards toward the house until he was shoved up against the siding. They were in the shaded side of the house, but still rather out in the open. People wouldn't necessarily see them right away, but it wouldn't be hard to spot the two men in the Hummels' side yard. Blaine, however, didn't really care.

 

He kept his hands on Kurt's hips, just above the waist of his rather pointless shorts, and leaned in to ravish Kurt's mouth. The older male gasped, then groaned, opening his lips almost immediately and returning the kiss full-force. They bit and sucked, fighting for dominance with their tongues, both clearly wanting the intimacy just as much as the other.

 

It was obvious that both men had craved this attention. They had both been holding back before this moment, and now, there was no need. Kurt's legs lifted up and he wrapped them around Blaine's waste, the younger man using his own hidden strength to lift Kurt up a little higher against the house so that he was at an angle to grind down against Blaine, to feel his growing erection in his khaki shorts.

 

Kurt gasped into Blaine's mouth, moaning and rocking his hips, fingers clutching Blaine's shoulders and digging into the flesh beneath his light tee. Blaine pulled away from Kurt's mouth to mutter encouragement. "Too many clothes. Go ahead. Pull it off, Kurt," he said, lifting his hands from Kurt's hips so that the other man could pull Blaine's shirt from his body.

 

Their chests finally touched, and it was amazing. Heat and sweat and skin and... it was wonderful. Sparks of arousal shot through them both and Blaine jerked his hips making Kurt throw his head back and moan wantonly, loud enough that the neighbors could easily hear. "Blaine,  _please_ ," he begged.

 

"Mmm, yeah, yeah," Blaine answered, already working on his fly while palming at Kurt's bulge. He knew he needed to pull those shorts off, or at least down enough, but for now he'd at least get himself a little more ready. A thought struck him and he panicked a little. "Shit, Kurt... I don't have lube. Or a condom." His eyes were wide and disappointment started to settle in his gut.

 

Kurt tilted his head and his lips twitched. "I uh... I use um... I stretch myself enough that some spit and going slow should be enough..." he mumbled, blushing all the way from the tips of his ears to the middle of his chest. "And I'm clean. A-are... are you?" He sounded so hopeful, yet so shy in that moment, that Blaine's heart kind of cracked.

 

Looking at the beautiful, sexy boy wrapped around him, Blaine wanted nothing more than to bury himself inside Kurt and also kiss him all over and just fall in love forever with this man. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm definitely clean. And I'll go really slow. I'll never hurt you, Kurt." Their eyes met and there was a mutual understanding of trust and love, though neither was ready to say that four-letter word just yet.

 

Blaine carefully slid the shorts down Kurt's thighs so that his ass was exposed and open, his own fly open and boxers pulled out of the way, erection fully out and at the ready. He sucked on three fingers, getting them good and slick, before lowering them to Kurt's hole, locking their eyes before slowly sliding two of the three inside.

 

"God, you're beautiful," he whispered as Kurt took them in with just a small hiss of discomfort. Saliva was never the best option, but Kurt was telling the truth when he said he didn't really need stretched. Blaine felt so much heat and experience... he was so ready to be inside. Kurt looked like he was in heaven, already begging for more.

 

Before long, Blaine was sliding inside and Kurt was biting his lip, begging for more. "Please, Blaine, please," he panted, hips rocking. "More. Faster. Please!"

 

Blaine grunted, balls deep and trying to find his balance so that he didn't become overwhelmed. He leaned in and nipped at Kurt's jaw before kissing him hard, then growling. "Alright, baby. I got you. I'll take you there. I promise." He pulled out almost all the way, then slammed back up into Kurt, hands back on those delicious hips, working hard to make finger-shaped bruises that Kurt could see later and remember.

 

"Faster, Blaine! Harder!" Kurt demanded, as Blaine used those hands to lift and drop Kurt onto his rigid dick, fucking him hard as his back scraped against the siding. Something about the pain seemed to do it for Kurt, though, so Blaine didn't worry. In fact, he almost did it more. He pounded into the older  man, roughly having his way with Kurt, assaulting his ass as his cock flopped against his abs between them.

 

Cries of "yes!" and "Blaine!" and "harder!" kept falling from Kurt's lips and Blaine fucked him, then Blaine felt himself reaching his climax, felt Kurt clenching around him, and finally lifted one hand to Kurt's neglected cock, squeezing and tugging, playing with his swollen balls and finally jerking the orgasm out of Kurt just as Blaine lost it in Kurt's tight ass.

 

Both of them went rigid with release, Blaine howling as Kurt cried out soundlessly, neck straining as his whole body clenched before he went limp in Blaine's arms. Blaine held him as he lowered them both against the side of the house, sitting in the freshly cut grass, hugging Kurt close and running fingers through the man's sweat-damp hair.

 

"You're so fucking sexy," he muttered, smiling against Kurt's ear, then kissing the shell.

 

Kurt laughed, turning his head to kiss Blaine's lips. "I'm also sticky and sweaty and mostly naked in my yard. The neighbors are going to talk like crazy now, I hope you know. I really hope there aren't any highschoolers on this street anymore..." he murmured lazily. "We're covered in grass clippings. We so need to shower. Does this mean we're dating now?"

 

"Kurt Hummel, I would love it if you would accompany me to shower and then have a lunch date," Blaine said charmingly, taking Kurt's hand and kissing it softly.

 

With a chuckle and a rueful grin, Kurt took Blaine's hand and stood. "I accept your offer, Blaine Anderson. Especially if there's shower sex involved." He winked, making Blaine smirk and smack his ass as they hurried to the younger man's house.

 

Perhaps Lima, Ohio wasn't such a bad nowhere town after all.


	19. Porny Prompt: Handcuffs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porny Prompt: bad boy Kurt/Seb must include handcuffs and a public outing "I told you if I caught you staring at Blaine one more time this is what would happen"
> 
> Kurtbastian, Rated T

Snickers followed them as the blazer-clad male was led down the main corridor of the rather crowded Columbus mall. It was nothing out of the norm for curious stares to turn their way. After all, most people found Kurt Hummel and Sebastian Smythe an odd couple, especially when Kurt didn't give Sebastian time to change out of uniform before dragging him off for their Friday outing. It wasn't everyday you saw a gay couple in Ohio, first of all, then add in Kurt's punk style...  
  
Most people didn't really get the look Kurt was going for, what with the snake bite piercings and the teal-striped hair that hung defiantly in his eyes. His artfully torn jean-jacket (designer, mind you, and Sebastian didn't skimp when he bought the damn thing, either, even though Kurt fought him over it...) made people turn up their noses, as did the heavy Docs on his feet. But, Bas loved it all. It was part of what made Kurt so catty and gorgeous. He'd fought back and he'd won, and he'd found this whole persona in the process.  
  
And damn, was it sexy.  
  
And right now it was also fucking annoying. "C'mon, Princess," he whined, though he also used the name he knew would piss Kurt off to no end. The tell-tale twitch of Kurt's nose let him know he'd succeeded in further aggravating his boyfriend. "You know I didn't mean anything by it! My eyes have a mind of their own!"  
  
Sebastian stumbled slightly as he lifted his arms and tried to walk while flailing a little, causing more people to stare and laugh lightly, gawking at his peril. "You knew what you were in for. I told you if I caught you staring at Blaine one more time this is what would happen," Kurt answered sternly, not even bothering to look at the stumbling fool of a Warbler as he kept on walking, leading the way to his favorite store. "Now you have to pay the price for those wandering eyes of yours. It's lucky for me Blaine and I remained such good friends after our little romance ended, isn't it?"  
  
Kurt's lips curled into a grin as he recalled the phone call he'd received that afternoon as he drove to Westerville to fetch his boyfriend. Blaine had checked in as usual, as they did weekly. The two realized they made better best friends after Kurt decided to kick Karofsky's ass and Blaine offered to teach him to fight. They also figured out they were better as friends when they discovered how much they enjoyed checking out guys together rather than making out. Somehow, it just worked. It wasn't a big deal, really, as they both kind of needed a best friend who actually understood them.  
  
With such a friendship, it was easy to help each other out when it came to boyfriends. Thus, Blaine easily slipped into the role of snitch where Sebastian was concerned. Of course, he rather enjoyed it considering how Sebastian awkwardly hit on him when they first met. And well after until he started dating Kurt. Blaine felt the need to get back at the pompous Warbler... and he might have felt a bit of height envy, but Kurt wouldn't point that out.  
  
"Blaine told me exactly how you stripped him with your eyes, Sebby. So you get to wear those cuffs while I spend your daddy's money," Kurt said with his grin still in place. He slipped into the store, wrapping a finger around the chain that held the handcuffs together and tugging Sebastian in after him. "And maybe, if you're really good, I'll let you use them on me later..."  
  
And that was exactly why Sebastian would always come back for more, and why he'd never hate Blaine Anderson.


	20. Porny Prompt: Sex Interrupted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porny Prompt: Klaine. Kurt: "if someone walks in just before we are about to have sex /one more time/... I am not going to stop"
> 
> Klaine, Rated M

There are so many terrible things about sharing a living space.

 

For one, there is pretty much no privacy. Curtains do not block sounds, nor do they keep people out. Even when Kurt and Blaine aren't worried about making noise, they have to worry about their roommates not respecting the whole 'privacy curtain' thing. Then there's the fact that people are always coming and going. Like, always. And they don't even have set roommates anymore.

 

Blaine doesn't even officially live there, since he's got a dorm at NYU this time around. It's officially supposed to be Kurt, Rachel, and Santana at the loft, but Sam crashes there all the time since he keeps taking small modeling jobs when McKinley is on break (read: all summer long he's been crashing on the couch) and Brittany being engaged to Tana means she pretty much moved in, too. Rachel tends to have guys over a lot these days and if another one sits on Kurt's furniture naked there  _will_  be blood...

 

Then there are their other friends. Artie stops by a lot. Mercedes comes every time she's in the city. There's no boundaries with their loft. So it's just... hard to find alone time.

 

So when they do, Kurt takes it and runs. He's taken to placing a little sign on the door. It's actually an old relic from Dalton that Wes gave him when he left. A Warbler's practice sign with their symbol and "Practice in Session: Disturb At Own Risk" and a little gavel at the bottom- Wes's signature. Every boy at Dalton knew not to mess with Wes.

 

Kurt loves it, and he thinks it should deter his friends, yet...

 

"I swear," Kurt growls, throwing his belt at the closing loft door and regretting it as the Italian leather slaps against the floor. That better not be damaged... "If someone walks in just before we are about to have sex  _one more time_  I am not going to stop! The damn sign is out! They have plenty of warning!  _They know what is happening in here!_ "

 

Kurt's seething by now. He's down to a thin grey tank and skin-tight purple pants that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination, bare toes curling on the wood floor. Blaine just lounges back on the bed, peering up at his fiancé with a heated gaze.

 

"You are so hot when you get angry," the shorter male murmurs, and Kurt cocks a brow at him.

 

The look on Kurt's face is pure 'bitch, please' as he undoes his button and zipper, starting to shimmy out of the ridiculously tight pants. "I can't help but be angry. That's the third fucking time Sam's ignored the damn sign. How many times do I have to explain what it means? And every single time he does the same thing!" Kurt pauses in his efforts, jeans half way down his hips and cock starting to pop out of his fly, Blaine's mouth watering at the show of his fiancé's lack of underwear.

 

" _Dudes_!" Kurt mocks, throwing up his hands, one covering his eyes and the other in the air flailing, mimicking Sam's voice and actions while fighting to keep his footing with his pants partially restricting his movement. " _I so didn't need to see that_! Well then  _pay attention to the damn door_  Samuel!" Kurt's brow is furrowed as he jerks his pants down to his knees and kicks them the rest of the way off, going back to his original method of abuse toward his clothing.

 

Blaine's about to point this out and try to stop his future-husband from causing damage he'll regret when Kurt starts on another mini-rant. "And Rachel!" he squawks, making Blaine fall back on the bed from where he'd started crawling toward Kurt.

 

"I swear she's as perverted as Santana at this point. I mean, she has to know by now when we're having sex. And yet, she just strolls right in!" Kurt's completely nude at this point and Blaine's literally salivating over the bobbing cock before him. Every time Kurt gestures angrily, his erection dances before Blaine's eyes, and the shorter man licks his lips.

 

He still has clothes on and it's seriously a sin, so he starts removing them rather quickly, eager to pounce. Blaine swears he's going to force Kurt to just shut up and let Blaine ride that damn thing soon. First he wants to taste him, though. God, yes. So badly, in fact, that he just leans forward, crawling to the edge of the bed and opening his mouth, inching up, up,  _up_...

 

"...and I swear if Santana has anymore webcams stashed in here I'm going to- _oh_!" Kurt can't even keep up his angry muttering as Blaine takes him all the way down his throat, groaning happily around his stiff length and using one hand to grab Kurt's ass, pulling him closer to the bed so Blaine doesn't feel like he's going to nose-dive onto the floor. His other hand holds onto the edge of the bed, while he looks up through thick lashes at his fiancé, golden eyes blown wide with lust. "Oh, yes.... Mmm, Blaine. So good..."

 

Blaine's mouth is a heated heaven and sufficiently distracts Kurt from his frustration with his roommates. Of course, he wants more than a blowjob. They can do blowjobs when anyone is around- if they're quiet enough, which they've pretty much perfected. So, Kurt pulls Blaine off and pushes the smaller man onto his back on the bed, crawling between his legs as Blaine shows off his flexibility, rolling onto his back and holding the backs of his knees, spreading himself and holding himself open for his fiancé.

 

A hungry grin crosses Kurt's lips as he grabs lube and a condom from his bedside drawer. positioning himself just so and quickly opening his fiancé while Blaine keens for more, working his hips in time to Kurt's fingers, ready for what's to come.

 

As soon as Kurt has the condom on and slicked up, the head of his cock poised for entry, they hear the loft door slide open. Blaine bites his lip and looks at Kurt with pleading eyes, begging him to stop and not stop at the same time. It would be so embarrassing to be caught like this, but dammit, they're so worked up and they both want it  _so badly_. It isn't worth it to stop now! Besides, Kurt said...

 

"I told you, baby. I am not stopping this time," he mutters, then thrusts into Blaine with one hard shove of his hips, making Blaine cry out in a loud, throaty moan of deep pleasure. Kurt doesn't waste any time, moving his hips at a rapid pace and making Blaine moan and whine, begging like a whore for more, harder, deeper,  _please_. And Kurt give it all to him, grunting and puffing, groaning and whimpering every now and then as he feels those little jolts of Blaine's muscles contracting around him and has to hold himself back.

 

They don't even know who the hell walked in, don't know if they stayed or left. All the pair knows is that they don't fucking care. They wanted sex and they are having sex. Really fucking good sex. The kind of sex that's going to have Blaine limping for the rest of the day and walking a little crooked for at least a couple days at that.

 

When they finally can't go anymore, Blaine's still holding his knees and Kurt's working Blaine's cock over while working inside him in uneven strokes, digging his free hand into Blaine's inner thigh and leaving bruises as he comes with a loud growl, Blaine releasing right after all over his own chest and stomach.

 

They're still lying there, panting with Kurt slowly shrinking inside of Blaine, reaching the point where he really needs to pull out and get rid of the condom before it makes a mess, when they hear a throat being cleared and then there's a voice right outside the curtain. "You two decent yet? I'd like to give my baby brother and future brother-in-law hugs..."

 

Eyes going wide, Kurt and Blaine stare at each other in utter shock and slight horror. "No fucking way," Blaine's voice cracks, his body shifting so that the condom starts to leak a little and Kurt's cooling come slides out over his balls and Blaine's ass, making them both cringe. "Cooper?"

 

"Yeah, Squirt! I gave you plenty of warning, so I'm coming in!" And that's all they get before the curtain is pulled away and Cooper Anderson is in the room with Kurt still partially inside Blaine, both of them covered in Blaine's come, as Kurt rested on top of his fiancé when they'd finished their copulating, and Cooper's acting like nothing's odd at all as he stares at Kurt's bare ass.

 

"Oh my God! Cooper!" Kurt screams, and Blaine's going pale with embarrassment and fear and he doesn't even know what else at the moment. He just knows Cooper can _not_  be here.

 

For what it's worth, Coop just grins and plops down at Kurt's vanity, sitting backwards on the bench so he can face the bed and the naked couple. "Hey, kids! I've missed you guys! Is that Sam kid still crashing on the couch, or can I stay here while I'm in town? I have this audition, see, and it would be really cool to spend some time with you guys, and I know I can't stay with Blainers in his dorm, so here would be the best choice..."

 

At that point, Kurt tunes Cooper out, maneuvering a pillow in front of his bottom half as he gets himself up and out of Blaine without making too much more of a mess, tossing the used condom in his bedside trash with some tissues and sidestepping toward the bathroom, grabbing his pants with his toes along the way.

 

"You'll have to fight Sam for the couch, Cooper," Kurt advises, allowing Blaine to rush into the bathroom while he holds open the door. "We'll just clean up a bit and then we can all go grab a bite, okay? Awkward fucker who doesn't know how to read and obey door signs..." The last part is muttered, so Coop asks "what?" while Blaine snickers and tugs Kurt into the bathroom after him.

 

"Nothing!" Blaine yells to his brother, slamming the door behind his fiancé. He has a blowjob from earlier to finish, and a steamy shower is just the cover up noise he needs...


	21. Porny Prompt: Penis Pump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt: Kurt walks in on Blaine using a penis pump.

There's an odd sound coming from the bedroom and Kurt slowly inches toward the cracked door. It's almost like a suction noise of some sort, but he just can't place what would even make such a sound, and there's this panting noise like someone is exerting great effort, and he knows that someone can only be his husband. The question is, what on earth could Blaine be doing and why?

 

Kurt keeps toeing his way forward, closer and closer to the door, the minimal light streaming from the room casting a warm glow as sweat starts to bead upon his brow and the back of his neck. He's starting to feel arousal grow in his groin and he's not even sure why. There's just something about the sounds he keeps hearing that gets his heart beating faster, his skin heated and fingers twitching.

 

Finally, he reaches the door and he's able to press his face up to the crack, one eye staring into the room to see what his husband is up to. What he sees makes him gasp- a sound loud enough to announce his presence and cause Blaine to turn, shame faced, his entire head and chest going deep red in embarrassment, his hard cock still trapped in the clear, vacuum sealed cylinder, his hand clasping the pump so tight his knuckles are going white.

 

"K-Kurt," Blaine yelps, his voice barely there, higher than natural for him and wavering like he might just cry. He's clearly so embarrassed, he's ashamed- it's written all over his face, and Kurt's heart is breaking because he doesn't see what there is to be embarrassed about. He knows Blaine doesn't need to use such a tool. He doesn't have any issue keeping it up, and that's what Kurt knows pumps are usually used for.

 

The taller, paler man strides into the room, approaching his currently-timid husband with some caution. The man still looks so delicate and insecure, and Kurt doesn't want to make anything worse for him. But, Kurt needs to reassure Blaine. He needs him to know that nothing about the situation is shameful. The sight of Blaine completely naked, body covered in a light sheen of sweat, barely illuminated by the warm glow of a bedside lamp as he pumps his dick to full arousal, slightly extended moreso due to the suction... It's fucking hot, and Kurt intends to let Blaine know.

 

"Blaine," he says, voice coming out as a husky growl. Kurt licks his lips and steps right up close to Blaine, reaching out a hand and running it down the man's sweat-damp chest, teasing his nails over pebbled nipples and struggling to catch his breath. "You are so fucking sexy. What's this all about, though? I know you don't need this," he murmurs, lightly touching the pump and causing a pull on Blaine's cock that makes the man hiss and grunt, jerking his hips toward Kurt while biting his lip.

 

Hunger sparks in Kurt's eyes as he watches Blaine's teeth pull on his bottom lip, making the skin go pale before he releases it, blood rushing and turning it darker, a little bruised, slightly purple. Kurt really wants to bite and suck on that lip until the purple grows...

 

"I just... I know you have a thing for... size..." Blaine mumbles, the blush returning full-force, spreading from cheeks to ears and all down the center of his chest while his ass clenches, forcing his hips forward again, the contraption trapping his rigid dick brushing against Kurt's clothed thigh eagerly, his cock wanting to be touched, needing more than the suction of the pump for stimulation. "I heard regular use could... lengthen and... sometimes thicken too, so..."

 

There's a moment where Kurt's eyes glaze over and his breath catches in his throat, then he's on Blaine, teeth and tongue plundering Blaine's mouth, fingers and nails exploring everywhere on his body. Kurt can't get enough of this amazing man, and he tells him so in between kisses, sucks, and bites.

 

"Fucking hell," he pants, pulling his hands away only long enough to rip his own shirt off, actually tearing off buttons and not caring one bit- he's that turned on in this moment. He'll lament the loss later. "So fucking beautiful," he kisses Blaine roughly, biting on his bottom lip and pulling, making the man whimper and whine and rock his hips into Kurt's covered erection. "You're amazing, Blaine," he moans, hands unclasping his belt, "so incredible." Kurt pulls his hands away from his pants in order to rake his fingers down Blaine's sides, leaving long red lines and making the man shudder with need.

 

While one hand works his pants open, Kurt's other hand eases the pump from Blaine's fist and releases the pressure, carefully reaching down and removing the contraption from his husband's pulsing member. "Oh, God," Blaine moans, Kurt's lips on his neck, sucking and biting a huge bruise into his skin. "I'm gonna cum so early..." he mutters, a little embarrassed.

 

Kurt smiles against his neck before leading him backwards to the bed. "Don't worry, babe. I got you," he promises, then pulls away only for a moment to open the bedside drawer, grabbing something before returning to his husband. "I got something to help you out, honey." Kurt slides his hand over Blaine's length, working a tight, black ring over his eager cock.

 

A whimper falls from Blaine's lips before he pulls Kurt to him, kissing him hard as Kurt climbs up into his lap. "Mmm, thank you. Fuck, Kurt, I want to be inside you. Oh, God. Just wish I could be more for you..." his voice breaks and Kurt pushes on his shoulders, forcing Blaine to look at him through watery eyes, shimmering like purest gold.

 

"Blaine," he starts, voice cracking slightly as it catches on his words. Words he needs to say and wants to say because he means them. With all his heart. "You are more than enough for me, baby. Toys... they aren't the same as the real thing. I need bigger and  _more_  because I don't have  _you_." Blaine's eyes are still wide and shining, and Kurt smiles as he leans in for another kiss.

 

A pale hand slides under the nearest pillow, coming away with a small bottle of lube, and Kurt has to pull away for a moment to grumble at his husband. "You got me in your lap without getting my pants off, dammit. This is suddenly much more difficult than it should be..." He starts working on his pants without getting up, but quickly gives up seeing as they are rather tight and difficult to get out of without the problem of kneeling with his thighs spread wide, so he shoves the lube at Blaine and stands back up, shimmying out of the pants and tiny, tight briefs he'd been wearing.

 

Finally, naked and hard and almost in pain from how horny he is, Kurt pounces back onto Blaine, shoving the man onto his back and pressing their bodies together, moaning wantonly when the curly-haired man pushes two lubed fingers into his ass.

 

"N-no," he grunts, shoving at Blaine's arm with one hand as his other keeps him from falling face first onto his husband. "Don't stretch. I want to  _feel_  you."

 

Blaine's eyes roll back in his head, but he quickly pulls his fingers from Kurt's ass, instead coating his cock in lube and grabbing Kurt by the hips, lining him up with practiced speed and ease. It's but a moment before Blaine's thrusting up as Kurt's sinking down, their hips joining together like two puzzle pieces as Kurt's body swallows Blaine's engorged cock.

 

It's not the monster dick of a size-queen's dreams, but that's not what Kurt looks for when he's working with real flesh and blood. He wasn't lying when he told Blaine he uses bigger toys to make up for what he's missing when it isn't his husband working him over. If the cock isn't warm and pulsing, twitching inside him and reacting to his body as he reacts to it, then it has a lot to make up for. That's why he's a bit heavy handed when it comes to dildos and plugs.

 

Blaine, well, he is very reactive. When Kurt works his hips in a circle, he feels Blaine jump inside him. When he works himself up and down just slightly, making Blaine's cockhead poke at his prostate repeatedly, he feels the eagerness in the rigid shaft, the head seeming to stretch toward the spongy gland every time Kurt pulls away before slamming back down.

 

This is the kind of sex Kurt lives for, and he only gets it with his husband. "Oh,  _fuck_ ," he grunts, nails digging into Blaine's chest as he rides him for all he's worth, Blaine lying back on the bed, eyes squeezed shut in ecstasy. "Feels so good. I love how your cock feels, Blaine. Never fucking change it. Fucking  _love your cock_!"

 

Kurt screams and groans as he pulls almost all the way off of Blaine, only to slam back onto him so hard he brings tears to his own eyes. He has a plan for how this might end. The little black ring is going to help him in so many ways tonight...

 

It's easy for Kurt to keep riding his husband as he nears his own climax. Blaine's a writhing mess as Kurt keeps telling him how much he loves him, loves his cock and all it can do to him, needs him and his cock, forever. The rhythm keeps up until Kurt reaches down and tugs on his own erection, slick with pre-cum that's been leaking heavily from the slit since he impaled himself on Blaine. He explodes over Blaine's torso with a guttural yell, throwing his head back as he coats Blaine's body from naval to chin.

 

Panting, sweat rolling down his back and beading on his forehead, weighing down his hair such that it hangs in his eyes, Kurt peels himself off of Blaine, who is so hard he's crying. Silent tears stream down the sides of his face, but his expression is so blissed out- it's clear he's enjoying every second of torture.

 

"Get ready, honey," Kurt says, voice wrecked from all his screaming. He's hoarse and horny, sounds like he just smoked a full pack of cigarettes, really, and it has Blaine begging for more. "I'm going to take off the ring, and then you're going to fuck me.  _Hard_."

 

The oversensitivity is something Kurt  _loves_. Blaine knows this and he enjoys giving it to his husband. As soon as the ring is off, Blaine grabs Kurt roughly by the hips and forces him into position, face shoved into the mattress, elbows flush to the bed, back arched like a stretching cat, presenting his ass to be thoroughly fucked.

 

Blaine licks his lips at the sight before him, Kurt completely open and slick with Blaine's pre-cum and the lube from his previously slathered cock... It's so fucking sexy. He taps Kurt's inner thighs so that he's spread a little wider, then pulls his cheeks apart more with his thumbs and leans in, dragging his tongue over the slick, gaping hole. Kurt keens, throat rumbling as he cries and moans at the sensation.

 

The torture doesn't last long, as Blaine's so hard and needy. He has to be back in his husband, so he straightens up and slams into Kurt without a warning. The brunette inhales in a sharp gasp as his body jerks forward with the force of Blaine's thrust, then clenches his teeth and grunts, growls, spit flying through his tightly closed teeth as he takes it, still so sensitive from his strong orgasm.

 

It feels so good, so Kurt tells Blaine. Over and over again. He screams it. He's probably loud enough that the neighbors know how skilled his husband is, too. "Fuck! Oh, Blaine, oh  _baby_! Fuck me! Oh,  _harder_! Make me feel you for  _days_!" he just keeps going. It's never ending and it feeds Blaine's ego that was so deflated not so long ago.

 

He's so close in so little time, but he wants Kurt to cum again, even if he's still not all the way down from his first time. It's better sometimes if it hurts the second time, at least for Kurt. So Blaine reaches around and grabs Kurt's half-hard cock and strokes.

 

The taller man screams, swears, then whines and calls Blaine amazing. Encouragement like this only makes Blaine work harder at his task, working Kurt over as he thrusts- once, twice, a total of six more times before he's roughly releasing inside Kurt's ass, painting his insides with hot cum and the promise that he's enough for this man and this man is enough for him.

 

Kurt cries, sobs as his second orgasm is forced from him, then he collapses to the bed, his vision whiting out for a solid minute. When he comes to, he finds Blaine with a warm washcloth wiping him clean, dotting his face with kisses and whispering praise and thanks.

 

"I love you so much," Blaine says softly, eyes shining like little golden suns in the warm bedroom glow.

 

Kurt's heart swells and he reaches out, cradling Blaine's cheek in his hand. "And I love you just the same," he whispers, voice nearly gone from all the screaming he did. The raspy growl sends shivers up Blaine's spine. "Blaine, never think you aren't good enough for me. You are so much better than anything else I could ever dream of, baby. I never want anything else, okay? You are absolutely perfect."

 

Sometimes he will need reminded of that, but Blaine does believe his husband. He knows what it feels like to think his partner hung the moon, after all.

 

"Thanks, Kurt. You're pretty perfect yourself."


	22. Late Night Lady Chats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr prompt: Finn and Kurt late night lady chats

*Note: In my universe Finn did not die. Something different happened- read on to find out. Also, this is... somewhat unfriendly to Rachel, though it leaves a clear path for her to fix things. There is mention of a severe injury (past) and the results thereof (present)!

 

It's the hushed sound of Finn swearing as milk bubbles over and hisses and burns on the stove that wakes Kurt. The apartment he shares with his fiancé is small- it's in New York and close enough to NYADA and NYU for them both to have manageable commutes, without costing an arm and a leg, and without being bug and rat infested. It was really incredible that they even found what they did. Kurt honestly loves it, but he complains because, well, it's small and it isn't exactly what he dreamed of and, to be honest, he loves the way Blaine kisses up his neck and trails his fingers over Kurt's body to make him smile instead. But, he's getting off topic.

 

He's a lighter sleeper than his amazing fiancé and so he heard his brother in the kitchen, making a mess and swearing up a storm. Kurt stands in the doorway staring at Finn as he fumbles with the pot of bubbling milk, which is definitely boiling instead of simmering and it's not going to be drinkable because it's going to curdle. But that's okay. Because he's trying. He clearly has something to talk about and was going to try and coax Kurt out of bed with a peace offering. Kurt can't help but smile.

 

"Finn?" he softly asks, startling the ex-quarterback and making him yelp in a sort of whisper that makes Kurt cover his mouth so he doesn't laugh too loudly and wake Blaine, even though he closed the bedroom door and he's pretty sure Blaine would sleep through a tornado at this point, the man is so comfortable now that they are actually settled and... well, happy.

 

Since starting back at school, Blaine's head has been much clearer, and Kurt finished his first four years at NYADA and just started graduate studies- while working off-off-Broadway. It's a start, and it's incredible, and they're... well, they're finally  _happy_. Mostly because they stopped trying to live for other people and just focused on what makes them both happy. Sometimes the easiest way is actually the best way and it's working.

 

Right now, though, it's Finn who needs to figure this out, and Kurt who might be able to help him do just that. "Oh. Uh..." Finn starts, blushing furiously and looking like he kinda wants to get mad at Kurt for laughing, but also just looking relieved that Kurt hasn't killed him for messing up his kitchen. "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I mean, I did but... Not like that? Like... I was gonna... the milk, and... I was looking for cinnamon and... It bubbled and then... I... just..."

 

Kurt shakes his head, his eyes tearing up from the laughter he was holding in, then he grabs the pot from his brother and rinses it quickly in the sink, filling it with water and letting it sit for a while as he turns the stove off and uses a soft sponge to clean off the burnt milk- the wet sponge sizzling on the hot surface and Finn grinning at the sound and steam.

 

"You really are an excitable child sometimes, Finn," Kurt murmurs lovingly, rinsing the sponge before cleaning and drying the pot, putting it on the stove and pouring milk to try again. "Cinnamon is in the small cupboard above your shoulder."

 

They heat the milk together, mostly just whispering about how Finn should know how to do it perfectly by now and how he never could get it right and Kurt always did end up making the milk... It's just how it's always been with him and his dad, too. Burt never did get the milk right, so Kurt always made it for him as well. Only Kurt and Elizabeth truly knew the art of warm milk with cinnamon and a nice late night lady chat...

 

"C'mon, brother mine," Kurt says softly, carrying two mugs of milk toward the living room and sitting on the couch that serves as Finn's bed for the moment.

 

Handing one mug over to the taller man, Kurt looks his brother up and down, takes a sip, then sighs. "Alright, Finn. What's going on? Why are you here for a second night instead of making up with Rachel by now? And why are you up burning my stove instead of already having talked to me by now? What's going on?"

 

So many things filter through Kurt's mind at this point. The last time he and Finn had a serious late-night chat like this, of this nature... about significant others... when Kurt had told Finn how he was going to get Blaine back and his brother had, well, he'd been the one person to fully support him through everything. That's one thing Kurt can never fault Finn for. Ever since the 'Furt' thing, Finn has had his back. There's a trust there that Kurt doesn't have with anyone else, except maybe Blaine and that actually wavered for a while. Finn is... he's one of a kind.

 

"You know you can talk to me about anything, Finn," Kurt says softly, legs tucked under him so he's sitting sideways on the couch like a pretzel. "We've had some serious conversations over the years... Nothing more to fuel them than some warm milk and a brotherly bond..."

 

Both boys smile a little at that, and the memories flood through their minds. Fear over Burt's health- when they both thought they were losing a dad, and Kurt's extra tears because Finn... Finn called Burt his  _dad_  and he meant it and it just meant  _so damn much_  because Kurt wanted him to mean it and to feel that way and he used to think he wouldn't want that because Burt was  _his_  dad but... he wanted Finn to always feel like Burt was his, too. And then they'd had that long conversation about how their parents were both of theirs and they loved them just the same and how they were brothers, dammit, and they didn't care about the shit that happened in the past and they were allowed to be full-fledged brothers as far as they were concerned and they were both  _so fucking scared_. That had been a long night full of tears and memories and bonding over loss and regrets and future goals.

 

There was the time they bonded because of the cheating incident. Damn, Kurt hated thinking about that. Finn at least could admit now that Rachel hadn't really done anything  _wrong_  technically, even though she probably should have told him to just... move on or something. And he probably should have told her how he was feeling way before that point. But still. At least they weren't dating when she was seeing Playboy McBareAss...

 

They had talked a lot about Finn's decision to join the Army. Kurt had hated it, but he'd been supportive. He just didn't want to lose his brother, and Finn felt that deep in his heart like the best hug ever.

 

When Finn came home after the gunshot incident, they had a long talk about his worth as a person. It hadn't been pretty, but it was necessary. Kurt was his rock in a lot of ways, and Finn was the force that always heard Kurt out. Always believed in the end goal. Finn didn't get caught up in the 'getting there' aspects. He just heard that Kurt had a plan and a goal, and trusted him. Sometimes, that was all Kurt needed. And sometimes Finn just needed to know that he was enough, just by being him.

 

"I..." Finn lets out a huge sigh and rests his head in his hands, feet flat on the floor and knees spread with his elbows on them, looking like he's so exhausted and he's already given up. Kurt's eyes dart around, already getting anxious. "I just don't know what to do anymore, Kurt. Maybe New York was a mistake. Maybe I should have just stayed in Ohio and found a job at McKinley or something. I... I don't know."

 

The accident scared everybody- family, friends, everyone. Even the doctors thought Finn was dead for a while, and it took a long time for him to recover. He'd lost his left leg when the car got crushed and he almost bled out. The prosthetic works well, though, and he's really come a long way, but... Finn isn't the man he used to be. His confidence took a huge hit, and some people just don't look at him the same way anymore.

 

Rachel doesn't look at him the same way anymore.

 

"Finn." Kurt's eyes are hard and he's not letting his brother get away with the 'poor me' routine. "You are not going back to Ohio and you are not settling for McKinley! New York is a perfectly good place to be and that school loves you. The kids love you. Is it because they asked you to coach? Is it Rachel? What the hell did she say?" Those crystal blue eyes have turned the color of a sea in turmoil as Kurt realizes what must have happened and why Finn turned tail and ran from his home with the Broadway diva.

 

Finn shrugs a little, but then Kurt glares at him until he opens up. "Sh-she said that maybe I should think about it before answering. That... that maybe it might be too much to expect me to coach football with my... condition." Finn's face crumples and he looks ready to cry. His voice is small as he opens up to his brother completely. "What if she's right, Kurt? What if I'm too broken to do this? She... she won't even  _touch me_  without the prosthetic on."

 

"Jesus Christ. It isn't like it happened just yesterday. She has had plenty of time to get used to this. Just because Rachel Berry is a spoiled little..." Noticing the blanched look on Finn's pale face, Kurt cuts himself off and simply reaches out to gently rub his brother's leg, just above where his flesh ends and the prosthetic begins. "You can take that off if you're more comfortable now that you don't have to get up again, you know..." he says softly, corners of his mouth twitching into a small smile. Finn has crutches to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night. He'll be fine giving his leg a rest for now, if he's comfortable enough to let his guard down.

 

Kurt sighs and runs his hands through his bed-mussed hair. "Listen, Finn. You know how Rachel is. You've known for years how she is. She tends to be selfish and not think, especially during a show. But, she does love you.  _All_  of you. She's just shitty at showing it. She's probably worrying that you'll get too excited coaching and push yourself and end up hurting yourself because you're a dumbass," Finn glares and Kurt just raises a brow until Finn shrugs, admitting the truth, and Kurt continues. "She's looking out for you in her own conceited way. The touching thing, though... I think it's because she still sees you as you were, and remembering what happened makes her panic. Because you aren't her invincible Superman. Does that make sense?"

 

Finn seems to think on it and Kurt swallows thickly, as the realization comes to his mind. He knows what Rachel probably feels, because he's felt it. About his dad. About Finn. About his and Blaine's relationship.

 

"She thought you were a constant. Always there, unstoppable and forever. Kind of like we thought Dad was. And then something almost took you away. Suddenly, you weren't as strong as she thought, as we all thought. And it was  _terrifying_. Most of us figured out how to deal but... Rachel has always been fragile. She hides it through being a bit of a, well, a bitch." Kurt smiles a little and Finn smiles back, shaking his head. "But this leg..." Kurt touches it and shivers. "This proves that it happened. That was real life. You almost died, Finn, and it's hard to handle. We almost lost you.  _Rachel_  almost lost you. And as many times as you guys broke up, she knew you were still there and attainable in some way. If you died, you'd really be gone. And I don't know what she'd do without you."

 

Swallowing thickly, Finn sips his milk to move the lump from his milk. "I don't really know what I'd do without her, either. But I think I'd be even more lost without you, to be honest. You help me figure stuff out, Kurt. The world just... makes more sense when you explain it."

 

Kurt's eyes light up and he smiles at Finn, so grateful for the bond they share. "Things make more sense with you around, too," he says softly, and the pair hug. Kurt knows he'll be talking to Rachel tomorrow, letting her know what she's been doing wrong and telling her how he understands. He knows Finn will go home and he'll take the jobs offered to him.

 

Finn may hurt himself by pushing too hard. He may fall down a few times because a fake leg is never quite the same as a real one, no matter how good it is. But they'll be okay, because they have each other and they have love in their lives and they have the will in their hearts and minds. And, they'll always have these late-night lady chats to put it all in perspective.

 

Standing up from the couch, Kurt takes both empty mugs and sets them in the sink with the empty pot to soak until morning. "Hey Kurt?" he hears from the couch.

 

"Yeah, Finn?"

 

"Thanks," Finn says softly, already lying down, prosthetic propped on the floor next to the couch, body curled up comfortably under the blanket.

 

Kurt smiles, knowing everything will be alright. "Any time. Goodnight, Finn."

 

"Goodnight, Kurt."

 


	23. Car + Bike + Lawyer = Klaine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “Look person, I’m sorry I ran you over with my car but maybe you should stay in the bike lane DON’T EVEN THINK OF TAKING ME TO COURT I DON’T CARE IF YOU’R E A LAWYER… shit”
> 
> Rated T, Klaine

"So you know how we joked about me being able to ace law school after all the studying I helped you with back in undergrad?" Blaine's voice carries to Sebastian's ears as he slides into his seat at their high top table, situated in their usual corner at the bar about a block or two from the apartment they share. Blaine figures they'll move to their own places once things get serious with romantic partners or something, but for now... well, they can afford a much nicer place together than they would alone, and to be honest, it's kind of nice living with your best friend.

 

Sebastian raises a brow as he takes the beer Blaine slides to him, steadying the glass before opening his mouth to speak. "You better not have dragged me out to the bar just to tell me you're giving up on your dreams to follow in my footsteps, Anderson. Cause I swear if you throw in the towel just cause that douchebag didn't like your fucking wonderful composition, I will kick your ass myself-"

 

Before he can get too riled up, Blaine cuts his friend off with a laughing grin. "Whoa, Bas, calm down! I'm not giving up on my dreams. For the record, I don't really care what Mr. Hafton thought of my proposal. I'm going to polish it a bit and present it to a different director when the opportunity comes. Anyway..." he lifts his own tall draft and takes a swig before continuing. "Let me tell you how I proved just how much of your schooling my musical brain retained, shall I? It all started with a shitload of traffic..."

 

\---

 

Blaine knew better than to ride his bike on such a day. The weather wasn't the problem- in fact, it was absolutely beautiful out- which was causing the actual issue that Blaine faced. It was the first nice day in a solid two weeks of terrible weather, and everyone was hell bent and determined to enjoy it. That meant that everyone was traveling, trying to get out in the sun, and leaving work as early as possible to boot.

 

Being a composer for Broadway, Blaine didn't have a set work schedule, However, Blaine's clients  _did_  have a certain schedule to follow, and Blaine had to fit himself into those schedules. It was best for him to squeeze his meetings into the time between sleep, other meetings, casting calls, and actual performances. Usually, Blaine found himself traveling home just before the early crowd left work, but today...

 

Well, today people were leaving earlier than usual, which meant Blaine and his bike were hitting all the congestion leaving the city. And New York didn't have the nicest drivers. Or pedestrians, to be honest.

 

Even as Blaine had made it out of the main city and into the outskirts where he and Bas shared their apartment, he was still surrounded by traffic and eager pedestrians who didn't want to share an inch of the sidewalk with his narrow bike path. Of course, the traffic was mostly stand-still, so he wasn't too worried about being hit, but there was always that fear when the traffic did shift.

 

During a big shift in traffic, Blaine came up to a jogger with a double-wide stroller on the sidewalk. His narrow path was encroached upon by the stroller, and the woman jogging wasn't paying any attention to the width of her precious cargo. Blaine panicked. He jerked his handlebars, pitched sideways, and next thing he knew he felt the hot impact of metal before sliding to the ground in a heap, landing painfully atop his bike, a handlebar poking sharply into his gut.

 

\---

 

"Hold up, hold up," Sebastian interrupts, throwing Blaine an incredulous look. "You swerved  _into traffic_  instead of side-swiping the stroller?!" Forest green eyes flash with a sort of hunger for justice, and Blaine looks at his friend as if he's lost his mind.

 

When Sebastian doesn't relent, Blaine rolls his eyes and sighs, giving into his friend's need for more information. Bas always does demand all the details so he can figure out the full case. Oh, what Blaine wouldn't give for the pompous teen who was only concerned about getting a little action. That Sebastian was so much easier to deal with. Lawyer Sebastian takes himself so much more seriously, and it's absolutely exhausting sometimes...

 

"Yes, Bas, I avoided the fucking  _stroller_  with two  _small children_  inside. I'm not a monster like you!" Blaine mutters darkly about his horrible taste in friends even as Sebastian opens his mouth to retort.

 

Thankfully, their appetizer platter comes out then, so Bas is interrupted by the waiter asking if they need anything else. "Not just yet," Blaine answers, kicking Bas under the table when the lawyer snickers at him.

 

Back to business, Sebastian eyes Blaine seriously even while the composer struggles with a mozzarella stick, cheese oozing out in a lava-hot string to attempt to scald Blaine's lips off. "It's a man-eat-man world, Killer. You have to be ruthless to survive. That woman should have paid better attention and kept her kids safe. Not your problem if she failed as a mother."

 

Blaine spares a disgusted look for his best friend before directing Sebastian's attention back to his story. "Right. Like I said, there can only be one devil incarnate, and you already filled that role rather perfectly. Anyway..."

 

\--

 

The sound of brakes straining in the new warmth of the weather made Blaine groan in a sort of mutual frustration before a honking horn sounded in the not-so-far distance and Blaine actually cursed a little under his breath. He’d just been hit by a car for Christ’s sake! He’d have thought that might trump getting home a little earlier than normal.

 

Apparently Blaine had forgotten how heartless New Yorkers starved for sunlight could be, though, as he shifted to sitting only to stare at a haughty looking man in a very nice three-piece suit, staring down at him with a quirked brow visible just above reflective sunglasses that Blaine was sure were very designer and very expensive. “Oh for the love of…”

 

Blaine’s muttering was interrupted by an irritated exhale and a quick spout off about how Blaine was the person in the wrong. “Look, uh, _you_ ,” the guy started, tone like a wasp but voice smooth like Blaine thought he’d like to hear in a bedroom setting. It was very confusing for his body and brain, to say the least. It didn’t help that Blaine was pretty sure his left elbow and possibly shin were bleeding and the stinging was becoming distracting. “I’m sorry I hit you, but, maybe you should have followed the _law_ and stayed in the _bike lane_?”

 

It was like the man was speaking to a toddler, and that made something in Blaine’s brain snap. He didn’t care how hot the pissed off guy was, what with his gravity-defying hair and daring fashion sense- that suit wasn’t even a shade of blue that Blaine had a name for!- the guy was being a dick. It wasn’t _Blaine’s_ fault that he’d been in too much of a hurry to get home from… whatever swanky city job he did and wasn’t paying attention to the pedestrian traffic.

 

So, Blaine told him as much.

 

“Uh, how ‘bout no?” The man gaped at him, sunglasses perched lower on his nose so he could stare at Blaine with stunning eyes of the greenest blue. Blaine wouldn’t be distracted, though. He had a diva to dethrone, it would seem. “The bike path here is very narrow and often crosses routes with both pedestrians and vehicles. It is the responsibility of all parties to be aware of each other. I was well aware of my surroundings, but a jogger was not paying attention and ran me off my path with her _double-wide stroller_. Which, I might add, had two babies in it.”

 

The man didn’t look as bothered by that as Blaine had been, but he didn’t look like he didn’t care at all, as Blaine suspected Bas would were he present. At least this guy wasn’t completely heartless. “Traffic was stopped, thus you should not have been going very fast at all once it started up again. You shouldn’t have had any problem reacting to my falling into your lane, and yet…” Blaine angrily motioned to his bike, and his leg which was awkwardly positioned under him and somewhat inside of the bicycle. It was starting to get rather sore, but he wasn’t exactly sure how to un-pretzel himself without some help.

 

Tall, poised, and prissy gave him a once over and licked his lips before responding. “Are you some kind of law-student or something?” he asked, that brow quirking even higher. “Whatever. I don’t care. You still don’t have an argument here! I didn’t do anything wro-“

 

\--

 

“Oh tell me you started throwing random data at him,” Bas interrupts, a gleeful light in his eye. He’s getting really into the story and Blaine can’t help but grin. He has to admit, he had no idea if he even had any sort of case against the guy, but he knew how to bullshit like he did. Thanks to all that studying with Bas.

 

Cracking his knuckles, Blaine smirks almost as good as Sebastian as he nods his head proudly. “Of course I did. Told him about law four fifty-seven A of chapter sixteen in the New York Vehicular-Pedestrian code that states how any vehicle driving under ten miles an hour is responsible should it collide with a pedestrian, including cyclists.”

 

Sebastian is howling now while Blaine explains a couple more laws that he made up, and even a fictitious court case, only to be interrupted by a clearing throat.

 

“Are you quite finished celebrating your dastardliness?” the voice asks, and Blaine opens his eyes to stare into the greenest blue he’s ever seen, again cocking that brow at him, but this time looking amused rather than angry or intimidated.

 

Kurt pulls his chair out and joins the pair at their table, less dressed up than the previous day. “Sorry, Kurt,” Blaine says, a laugh still on his voice as he flashes the fashion writer slash actor a warm smile. “Bas was at the office late last night and I didn’t get to talk to him until today. He didn’t know our story til now.”

 

Sebastian, for his part, has started coughing from his laughing fit. It seems that adding Kurt to the mix just made it even worse. “Is he going to make it?” Kurt asks, not actually looking all that concerned. The middle finger shot his way answers his question, though, and Kurt simply motions for his own beer and helps himself to a potato skin. “Did you tell him how you ended up at my place with a broken bike and a sore ass afterward? Or how I rubbed out the muscle spasm in your thigh?”

 

The grin that curls on Kurt’s face is absolutely evil while Sebastian wheezes for air. Blaine kind of loves it. “Oh my God!” Sebastian exhales, glaring at both of them. “How in the hell do you go from threatening lawsuits to _fucking_?!”

 

That was loud. Blaine winces as half the bar turns to stare at them, while Kurt starts to go red and Bas just keeps staring incredulously at them.

 

“Nobody said anything about fucking!” Blaine squeaks, while Kurt responds at the same time with “I’m just that good, I guess.”

 

Oh, and Blaine is sure he’s red enough to make a tomato jealous, but he’s also so turned on he might die. Shit. And Kurt and Bas are getting along like old friends, sparring verbally without any issue. It’s actually amazing. Bas doesn’t get along this well with, well, anyone!

 

“So, anyway,” Blaine says once he can speak again. “Thanks for making me help you get through law school I guess? And, uh, don’t expect to see my bike around the apartment any time soon. It kinda died, and I don’t think I want to tempt fate twice.”

 

Blaine got his accidental chance at love or whatever Kurt might be. He doesn’t think he’d get so lucky next time. Best to leave the biking to ruthless people who would have taken out the stroller.

 


	24. Blaine and Kurt Sittin in a Tree...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: can you do a fic where blaine is gushing to his friends about kurt after their first meeting? (au as i would like a love at first sight rather than the whole jerimiah thing). and how blaine really really hopes he will see him again, or maybe is really hoping kurt will take him up on the offer of being able to talk to blaine. aka some kind of gushing about this amazing person he just met
> 
> Klaine (though just Blaine and the Warblers are present) / Rated G

“I didn’t know that kind of guy even existed,” he’s been at this for a good five minutes already, and he’s sure David and Wes are already sick of it, but they’re being incredible and letting him gush. And you best believe Blaine is taking advantage of it. “He’s so… ugh. I don’t even have words for it!” If they weren’t in the Senior Commons- abandoned since the Warblers are due to reconvene in about ten minutes to discuss the performance and potential competition songs- he’d probably lay back and do some form of kicky feet. As it is, Blaine does have _some_ form of decorum, and keeps to slapping his knees in a rhythm that’s a bit reminiscent of _Teenage Dream_.

 

Wes and David roll their eyes, but Blaine doesn’t even notice. “Did you see how confident he was? I mean, I know he was nervous and stuff, but, you _guys_ ,” Blaine looks at his friends with wide eyes, as if begging them to understand how amazing this boy really is. “He snuck into _Dalton_! And he kept up the charade even when he obviously _knew_ we knew he wasn’t some new student. That takes guts!”

 

Some of the other Warblers have started siphoning into the room, and a few wander over to see what their favorite soloist is on about this time. Jeff grins encouragingly while Nick takes a seat to listen and Trent looks wistfully at the smitten Blaine, as if living vicariously through him. “Go on, Blaine. Tell us more about the mystery boy from the performance!”

 

With Jeff’s encouragement, Blaine goes on. Wes and David don’t say anything, even though Kurt had introduced himself to them as well. This is all Blaine. They won’t steal his thunder.

 

“His name is Kurt and he’s beautiful,” Blaine says, swooning even as he speaks. There’s just something about the boy that makes his heart stutter in his chest. Maybe it’s the way he wore such daring clothing in Ohio of all places, or maybe it’s the way he held himself- so confidently, tall and proud, even while he spoke of being bullied and being afraid. He was _inspiring_. Blaine has never met someone like Kurt before. He’s the kind of person Blaine wishes he’d been back when he was going through the same sort of things. But Blaine knows he wasn’t that strong. He ran and now he’s a Dalton boy. Safe, but holding onto that guilt from running away.

 

Blaine looks around at his best friends and smiles, able to shake off that old feeling of lost opportunities easier than he had in the past. “He’s so strong and confident. He’s going through some stuff right now at his school, but he’s still so set on being himself. It’s… _amazing_.”

 

There are things Blaine can’t know yet, but he wants to dream, and he dares to hope. That Kurt likes romantic comedies and musicals, that he might enjoy coffee dates after school. He did seem to like the impromptu coffee stop with Wes and David, after all. “He sings, too. I haven’t heard him, obviously, but he’s in his school’s glee club!” It excites Blaine to imagine that voice in song. Kurt sounds like he’d be an amazing singer- able to hit such high notes, with that hidden deepness that Blaine had heard a smidgen of when Kurt confessed his fears and sorrows. There was a huge register inside that lithe body, and Blaine wanted to hear it so badly.

 

“Looks like our Blainers is in love,” Nick coos teasingly, and Blaine can’t help but blush. He won’t hide, though. He’s not embarrassed. He’s happy. So happy.

 

“He picked a good one to fall for, I think,” Wes comments with a smile, and Blaine looks at him with sparkling eyes. These are what friends are meant to be. This is what Blaine has always wanted. He is so happy to have exchanged numbers with Kurt, to know that he has the potential for a friendship, for more with this amazing person. And that he has these wonderful friends to support him as that friendship (or more, please more) blooms and grows.


	25. Cooper and the Red Pants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Anderbros w/ a drunken house party and the line "my ass looks so much better in these pants than yours does" -you know those tight red ones (though I didn't actually /use/ the line... Oops...)
> 
> Warnings for incest (though nothing sexually explicit) and drunken dancing/partying (though all are of age).

"Oh. My god." It wasn't the first time Blaine had seen his brother in something absolutely ridiculous. Hell, it wasn't the first time he'd seen Coop grab something of his and squeeze his larger form into it. But this was definitely the first time Cooper had managed to squeeze himself into a pair of Blaine's favorite pants. And holy hell, it should have been illegal.

 

Of course, Cooper being Cooper, he just grinned like some sort of loon and wiggled his ass in Blaine's face as he bounded into the living room. There were wolf whistles and cat calls as the older male bounced around the large space filled with bodies, all while Blaine sat on the leather couch blushing like a garden vegetable.

 

The brothers were home for a week. Their parents were finally settling their divorce and their mom had asked for some help with the house- getting the furniture she wanted packed up and moved out, collecting their old possessions, that sort of thing- before the house could be put up for sale. Of course, the brothers hadn't realized that neither of their parents would show up to help them with the proceedings. Their parents really were acting like toddlers.

 

Blaine couldn't help but look at his brother and wonder why he'd expect any better.

 

"Coop, no," Blaine moaned half-heartedly as his older brother bent at the knees and hips and began  _twerking_  in his favorite red pants. That's right. Cooper Anderson was pulling off Blaine's own signature dance move in Blaine's favorite fucking pants! And he was  _stretching them_! Blaine was going to beat the shit out of the infuriating, sexy man. "Seriously?"

 

The house party had been Coop's idea, though he was encouraged by their many facebook friends who rejoiced when they heard about the Anderbros coming back to Ohio for a visit, then absolutely lost it when the photo of an empty pseudo-mansion popped up on their newsfeeds. Really, Blaine hadn't minded the impromptu celebration, though. It was nice to get all their old buddies together, especially since they all knew about the... less than brotherly nature of his and Cooper's relationship and still accepted them wholeheartedly.

 

That had been utterly unexpected.

 

Honestly, there had been a few people who definitely didn't agree with their bond, but those people weren't worth paying attention to. The guys and girls filling the building that once was their home supported Cooper and Blaine without any doubts, and that filled Blaine's heart with glee.

 

The ripping sound as Coop tried to get too fancy with his dancing, however, filled Blaine with a completely different emotion entirely.

 

"Oh my  _God_ , Cooper Anderson!" he screamed, getting to his feet and glaring at his brother as the man did his best to look sheepish. "Did you just  _rip_  my  _pants_?!" Muffled giggles and open guffaws could be heard all around, but Blaine only had eyes for the guilty party before him, even as Cooper tried to put on the puppy dog pout.

 

The pout wasn't working.

 

It might not have been so bad if the pants had been any other pair. But those were seriously Blaine's  _favorite_. Hell, he'd practically cried when Kurt wore a similar pair to school and there'd been a debate amongst the Glee club as to who wore it better. They were Blaine's pants, dammit! Nobody wore them better than him! So maybe he was a little obsessive about the red pants. So what? Everybody needed something they liked a little too much.

 

Speaking of which...

 

"Aw, c'mon Squirt. They're old anyway. It's not like your ass can even fit into these that well anymore anyway," Coop argued with a salacious wink that had the giggles rising again. Blaine, for his part, kept glaring through the blush. "How can you be mad at this face?"

 

Cooper exaggerated his pout even more, making Blaine roll his eyes and bite his lip. The grin wouldn't be kept at bay, though, and Blaine soon found himself laughing and shaking his head at his brother, a huge smile on his face. "You're ridiculous and you cheat."

 

The childish adult just smiled proudly and pulled Blaine to him in a hug, apparently not caring at all that his boxer-briefs were on full display from the giant tear in the ass of his pilfered pants. "You love me, though."

 

"Yeah," Blaine murmured, kissing Coop soundly on the lips to the collective 'aw's of many people around them. "I do."


	26. Most Magical Ban on Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebtana: “i accidentally got us banned from this amusement park for life because i got mad at the mascot and decided to tackle him to the ground and you were the stranger i asked to hold my stuff” AU
> 
> Santana and Sebastian friendship / Rated T

That dude dressed up as Goofy had it coming. Santana will stand by that for the rest of her life, no matter how many times she hears otherwise from an angry Kurt Hummel. A blubbering Brittany may sway her slightly, but still... It was Brittany's honor that caused her to be banned in the first place!

 

Sebastian seems to find it hilarious, at least. Of course, he's also on the receiving end of Kurt's rage, but he's apparently used to it. Hell, he has to be used to it. Santana's used to it, and she isn't the one fucking the drama queen. Or is Kurt the top of that relationship? She's always been curious...

 

"What are you being so quiet about?" the ex-Warbler asked, brow quirked suspiciously at her. At least the preppy jock was smart. Much smarty than the first million dollar songbird. Santana would give him that much.

 

It also helped that Sebastian reminded her quite a bit of herself. They were kindred spirits in a lot of ways. Maybe that was why she hadn't hesitated to shove her shit into his arms when Goofy had made a pass at her woman.

 

"Just wondering how the others are enjoying their day," she murmured solemnly. It was unlike her to be so down, but she just couldn't enjoy a day at the pool when her wife was enjoying the 'happiest place on earth' without her. She'd really fucked up this time. "For once there's nothing you need to worry about from me. Isn't that a miracle?"

 

Sebastian rolled his eyes at her melancholy, and Santana had to appreciate his ability to just shrug her sadness off. It actually helped her get over herself. Maybe he was good to have around. "I hope they're having a blast, cause this is the last 'extended family vacation' to Disney World."

 

There was a manic sort of glint to his eyes and a grin on his face that made Santana shoot him a look that said "and people think  _I'm_  insane?" while she crossed her arms and sighed in exasperation. "You know they're going to try and beg for the ban to be lifted, don't you?"

 

"Ah, but I also know that this place is strict as hell about those things. And I'm not spending millions just to be able to suffer the horrors of overpriced so-called entertainment in the torturous Florida heat. They'll get over it." Sebastian acted like he'd never give in to his fiancé, but Santana knew better. He was wrapped around Kurt's finger just as much as she was around Brittany's. They were both whipped, and they were both damn happy about it.

 

"Whatever you say, Meerkat."

 

The grumble that followed her preferred nickname was loud and annoyed, making Santana smirk as she lounged back in her chair by the pool. "I told you, don't call me that!"

 

Santana slid her sunglasses down her nose to look the younger man over, then pushed her glasses back into place and smiled at him. "Okay, Rock Salt."

 

She'd already laid back in her chair and closed her eyes, so Santana didn't see Sebastian get up and sneak up behind her chaise. The chair was lightweight and easy for the athletic male to move, so in mere moments he had the chair upended and a squealing Santana flailing as she fell into the deep end of the pool.

 

"Acceptable names are Sebastian, Seb, Bas, and Sexy, but I'm pretty sure Kurt would kill you for the last one, so... Better stick with one of the first three," Sebastian called from the poolside. Santana sputtered in the water, glaring fiercely at the ex-Warbler. "Some things need to stay in the past, Satan."

 

Well, if he could hold his own against the wicked way of her tongue, maybe he really was good enough for Kurt. Maybe he was good enough for Santana to call a friend.

 

Maybe it wasn't so bad having only Sebastian Smythe as company for the remainder of their week at Disney, while all the rest of their high school friends and their respective families spent their days enjoying the park...

 

"Goofy did have it coming, though," Santana muttered once she'd towel-dried her hair and stretched back out in the sun.

 

Sebastian simply hummed his assent and flipped over to tan his back before replying with ease. "Damn right he did. Pick a different coat rack next time, though. I'd rather assist."


	27. Hungry Like the Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Dark Anderbros: “You need to go.”
> 
> Anderbros (alludes to sibling incest- be warned) / Rated T

There was a moment when he first opened the door when Cooper wondered if his parents had adopted a dog without telling him. A whining sort of noise caught his ears, and he swore he could smell the tell-tale scent of slightly damp dog, but it was all gone almost the moment he'd noticed it, so he shrugged it off.

 

It was probably nothing.

 

"Blaine?" he called into the empty home. It was after nine- not all that late, but also late enough that he figured his little brother should be home. Their parents weren't even in Ohio at the moment, but usually Coop could count on Blaine being there when he decided to pop in for a visit. The truth was, LA got lonely and Cooper could only pretend his life was perfect and successful for so long before he had to go home to Westerville where he felt like he was actually a big name for being in a known commercial.

 

Maybe it was a weak ego-boost, but Coop would take whatever he could to get him through his bouts of hollow depression. That voice whispering in the back of his mind that he was a failure and that he'd never make it in Hollywood needed to shut up somehow. If Ohio kept it quiet for a few more months, Cooper would stoop to singing the credit jingle under his breath all over the state just for a bit of recognition.

 

"Squirt? Are you home?" He was starting to wonder if nobody was even in the Anderson house that night when he caught movement down the hall at his brother's doorway and a grin spread on his lips. Finally!

 

Cooper realized he should probably be a little irritated. Blaine hadn't answered him- twice. He'd had to climb the stairs and wander half way down the hall before he even knew he wasn't alone, for Christ's sake. But, in reality, Cooper was just glad to not be alone that evening.

 

The moon was full in the sky and tinted with the barest bit of red and a strong breeze was causing branches to smack and rustle against the house. It was kind of creeping Cooper out, to be honest. "Hey, do you want to order a pizza and watch movies? I didn't eat dinner cause my plane got in late, so..."

 

Cooper trailed off as he stood in Blaine's doorway and stared at his normally-dapper brother, looking completely wrecked. Blaine's hair was a mess of gelled locks pulled loose- some into his normal curls, some still clinging to the gel to create spike-like clumps, none of which went in the same direction. There was a manic look in his golden eyes, and... were they  _glowing_?

 

Blaine's pristine school uniform was absolutely  _ragged_. His blazer, at least, had been tossed at his desk chair and seemed intact. The pants, though, were dirty and torn in places. His dress shirt had no buttons anymore- it had been torn open at the front quite literally, and one sleeve had been completely torn off! The other had a rip from the wrist to the elbow and dangled at Blaine's side forlornly.

 

There was no sign of Blaine's tie, nor his shoes, and the socks that he begrudgingly wore with the Dalton uniform shoes were missing the toes? Cooper was so confused by his brother's appearance that he couldn't even begin to form words. He simple gaped at the younger man, wondering if there were even answers to explain what had happened.

 

"Bl-"

 

" _You need to go_."

 

The voice didn't sound like Blaine. It didn't sound anything at all like the boy Cooper had watched grow up, nor like the young man he was growing into. It sounded...  _terrifying_. Cooper stared at his brother, wondering what the hell had happened. Sure, last time he came home they'd had an awkward moment where he'd bought a case of beer and let Blaine indulge with him and they'd been drunk and  _experimenting was okay, dammit_! And so what if Coop maybe kinda sorta wanted to have a movie night with his brother in the hopes of maybe making the same sort of decisions while completely sober and without the need to 'experiment' since they'd gotten all of that excuse out of the way last visit, but...

 

Cooper didn't think Blaine's current tone had anything to do with embarrassment or trepidation about what taboos they might commit that evening. A shiver crawled up his spine as he watched his baby brother shake from head to toe, his fingers and toes seeming to blur as Blaine's breath came in pants, and Coop heard that whine again, like he'd heard when he first entered the house. Except, this time, it sounded like it was coming from  _Blaine_.

 

Golden eyes flashed in Cooper's direction and his breath caught in his throat. He was so scared he didn't know what to even do. All he could do was sputter at the boy who had been his little brother. The boy, the man, who he loved. Who he gained strength from and gave that same strength to. The person who meant the whole world to him.

 

"B-Blaine? Squirt... w-what?"

 

There were so many emotions in those horrible eyes as Blaine lunged at Cooper. Fear, hunger, horror, pain, regret, excitement... Coop couldn't even name them all. He saw his brother's face morph as he felt claws bite into his arms and he was slammed against the wall of the hallway, shoved all the way out of the room with the force that Blaine slammed into him with. He might have screamed, but he couldn't tell.

 

Teeth clamped on his throat. That wet-dog scent filled Cooper's nose, along with another, coppery smell, that made him vaguely aware that he wasn't okay. This time, there was more of a whimper than a whine.

 

Before blackness overtook all his senses, Cooper heard one, very sad word, which might have been described as a whimper or a howl, or the plea of a distraught child.

 

" _Coop_..."


End file.
